The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First, make sure your sponsor deigns you ready for step four. If you are doing step work without a sponsor, you've got a fool for a sponsor.
Secondly, before you do any writing, pray for god to show you a deeper level of honesty every time you put pen to paper so that all of your words are truthful, specific, and will lead to a soul clensing healing.
Thirdly, do a little bit each day. The 4th step is not an excuse to cut yourself into ribbons. Or anyone else for that matter. It is simply an opportunity to explore oneself in a through, fearless, and complete manner. Hence, what I said earlier: never work this step, or do any step work, w/o a sponsor.
Lastly, continue to go to meetings. Continue to call your sponsor. Do not participate in soul medicating activities as you go through the fourth step, as you will stir up old memories, feelings, and events. The healing is in the feeling.
My experience....it took me quite a while to do this step. I worked on it using both the new and old versions of "Blueprints for Progress" but something about them just didnt click for me. (I now believe I just wasnt ready!) What finally did click was a guide like this one:
http://www.network12.com/four/4thstep.htm
This guide was written for AA but, it just really was what I needed and has only a few questions that did not apply to me.
Once I started in on this guide, things just clicked! I would work on it a little at a time, sometimes for 20 minutes, somedays I spent hours. I would begin each session with a prayer similiar to what tiger suggested, for God to please guide my pen to be totally honest.
Write everything down! As if you were the only person whom was ever going to read this anyway! Definately keep in touch with your sponsor or a trusted program friend during this process, because it will be a roller coaster ride (at least it was for me).
It was by far the most enlightening thing I have ever done to learn about myself and why I am who I am. When you finish it...try to do that 5th as quick as you can! You will not believe that experience!!! Wonderful!!!
And like Karilynn said, be gentle yet firm! with yourself!
First, let me say how brave you are to take this Step. It is a big step. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
Second, when I was at this Step - I was having the hardest time with the "fearless" part of Step 4. I was filled with fear. A fellow member in my f2f home group shared "You don't have to be afraid about doing Step 4. A grocery store manager doesn't get scared when he does an inventory about how many bottles of ketchup he has on the shelf. That's what Step 4 is - an inventory - You and your HP are just looking at what you have to start working with"
Wow - This was a great analogy for me. Really helped me deal with the fear - I didn't have to fear what I was Step 4 was going to reveal - my God & I were just going to see what we had to work with, what we needed & what we needed to work on getting rid of. He was going to be right there with me. My God also sent me a wonderful sponsor & several other recovery friends, f2f meetings and literature to help me work thru it. It was painful, but very much worth it. By the time I got to Step 5, I was so ready to let the stuff in Step 4 go.
So, good luck & reach out for support if you need it.
Blessings,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
