The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hope you are all well and done fighting the mad Christmas Shopping....lol.....I am doing a little better these days.....not great...still have my sad moments....now, I think they are becomming more pissed off moments......
Hub calls sometimes from rehab, the other day he asked me to send him a few things... I was going to and then I thought, you could have given a shit less if we had food...you need to suffer...this was in my mind of course...and you know what.....wheather this is mean or just me standing up....I am not doing it....he got himself where he is all by himself and he can figure out what to do now all by himself.....afterall, I am supporting the kids, paying the mortgage without one damn penny from him....
I quit my job the other day, I got pissed...cheated me out of my bonus.....and I thought heck with this.....I will just find another one...and I did...I am suppose to start after Christmas....and then....my boss called me yesterday.....so sorry Andrea, it was a computer error....sure.....we would really like you to come back to work...I said, I got another job...2.00 more an hour.....he called me back and said....we will give you 2.50.....I said what????????????????? he said, we think you are a really good employee and would like you to stay with us...so I said, ok.....just need a few days to get it together...he said, ok...call when you are ready.....
This blew me away and something inside me was elated and I felt strong...worth something.......and wow I can not tell you how much I needed that....
Went on a date this weekend....it was not good.....he was boreing....lol...I will keep trying.....what the heck....I am ready for this step....just to see what I I I I I want in life.....
Of course you are worth every penny! Heck I would have offered you $5 more an hour! Woohoo! Can I have your boss?
Yeah I don't blame you for being angry at hubby. I'm not so sure that letting him figuring out these things isn't a bad thing for him. There were many times when hubby was at the halfway house that I did things for hubby. Now I wonder was I enabling him in a different way, by not letting him grow up? There was one time in particular where he missed curfew and called at 2 am asking me to call a cab to come get him. He had been drinking. What if I had just left him out there? I mean there's a difference between compassion and enabling. At some point they have to grow up. But what's done is done. What counts now is this moment and time.
There's some lucky wonderful man out there for you, if that's what you want. You are an amazing woman. You have strength, courage, love and laughter and a little michevious streak (shhh... don't tell anyone) that anybody will love. Your big heart touches all of us. You go for it girl!
Merry Christmas dear friend. Love and blessings to you and the kids. Love ya lots!
Live strong,
Karilynn, Hubby and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I've always found that when it was right, getting pissed off was very empowering LOL. Sometimes you just have to say enoughs, enough. I think about the alanon Just for Today bookmark, where it says "I can do something for 12 hrs. that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime." I read how a woman would say this to herself everyday going to work because she hated her job. Finally, she realized that she would be doing it for a lifetime if she didn't find the strength to change -- it wasn't changing on it's own. Often it is really worth the risk to make a change. I'm so glad things worked out as they did -- and even if they didn't I know your HP would have put you where you needed to be.
As far as helping your A out, do what you feel is right for you. The thing that comes to mind is if he's always been able to count on you, you may want to tell him that he needs to ask someone else -- that you are no longer a full service welcome mat.... you've gotten up off the floor LOL
Good to hear you are doing better! You definitely sound more upbeat. I think anger is part of the process of moving forward. I remember experiencing that as well, and sometimes it still creeps in. Deciding not to be a victim anymore is HUGE! Way to go!!!
We are doing well here, now that we have our power back. Our son is doing well, growing up and learning about life in a good way. He's working full time, involved with Church and his new friends. God has truly changed his heart and his life. We are thankful for all God has done......and are trusting Him for the future. The rest of the family are also doing well.....our daughter is finishing up her senior project, and so looking forward to graduation! The youngest son, a freshman, is wrestling now and loving every minute of High School. The oldest son just turned 25.....yikes, I can't be that old!!! He's doing well, loving his job and has met a really nice girl.
I pray that you have a wonderful Christmas with your kids! May God Bless you abundantly! I continue to keep you in my prayers....
Woo hoo!!! Good on you dear lady. You're worth every darned cent,and no mistaking.
It's so good to hear you sounding so strong. When my A went into rehab(pre alanon for me) I felt enormous compassion and sent him everything he asked for......I'd have done anything to have him home sober and well again. Of course,little did I realsie I was muddling compassion with enabling......sent the lot and five days later A walked out of rehab proclaiming he was "cured" and that he was only a "little bit alcoholic" and who needed rehab anyway??It was a waste of money(my money!!) Just 7 days later he was drunk again.....and so it went on......(sigh)
If I had known then what I know now-things may have worked out different,but as Dear Karilynn has said.....we do the best we can with what we have at the time.
Have a good Christmas dear (((((((Andrea))))))-you really do deserve it.
You go girl!! So proud of ya! It's about time things worked out for you, don't ya think? What a boost it can be to our psyche to have something work out!
I don't blame you for not wanting to send him things while he's in rehab. When my husband was in jail, for 5 months, I found out some things he had done during our marriage, things that involved his ex-girlfriend. I was sooooooo pissed at him! When the time came for his commissary money to be sent, for his snacks, coffee, toiletries, I told him I wasn't sending it! He got himself there, he should figure out how to get what he needed! Well, guess who sent him some money? His dear mom, wouldn't ya have known...enabling him all his life...
Anyway, go for it ~ get what you need and want...you're worth it!
I am jumping up and down with excitement after reading your post !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many awesome things happening at the same time that not so many good things. Life is inevitable, but you my sweet friend are learning how to sail your ship.
YOU GO CAPTAIN!!!!!
Love ya, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Can I have your boss? 
) that anybody will love. Your big heart touches all of us. You go for it girl! 
Our son is doing well, growing up and learning about life in a good way. He's working full time, involved with Church and his new friends. God has truly changed his heart and his life. We are thankful for all God has done......and are trusting Him for the future. The rest of the family are also doing well.....our daughter is finishing up her senior project, and so looking forward to graduation! The youngest son, a freshman, is wrestling now and loving every minute of High School. The oldest son just turned 25.....yikes, I can't be that old!!! He's doing well, loving his job and has met a really nice girl. 
Just 7 days later he was drunk again.....and so it went on......(sigh)