Amends are a delicate process. I would take a minute, for one, to see why it is I want to make amends to someone. Children are fragile creatures. Their memories are colored by perceptions. What your daughter saw was that you were angry at Daddy for seemingly no good reason and ruined her special day. What she didn't see (really, she probably didn't make the connection) that her daddy got drunk on her birthday, when Mommy really needed him to be sober, to help with the festivities, to be present. And daddy bailed.

 But your daughter didn't see it that way. Your daughter saw you as the bad guy. And you're probably feeling really, really, guilty.

 Stop for a minute and think about how your day goes with your daughter now. What, today, at this minute, constitutes a change in behavior for you? A change in reaction? A change in thinking? That's amends to your daughter. Your daughter's right--it WAS a bad day, becuase the way you handled your husband getting drunk was inappropriate: rather than going on and having a party for just you and her, making it a "special girl's party" it became an emotional fiasco, and everyone got hurt and upset. But if today you can honestly look at yourself and say that when your husband gets drunk you DON'T react, you DON'T explode, and you DON'T take it out on your daughter, then you're making amends.

 Amends, in general, comes after an extensive period of self examiniation, after deep prayer, and after talking and worknig with a sponsor. If you do not have a sponsor, I strongly urge you to get one. I also encourage you to begin step work with your sponsor, as this is a person who has worked the steps before, knows HOW to work the steps and understands how the process of self understanding works. It is a fragile and delicate process and needs to be handled with love.