The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thurs he got home at midnight drunk, fri. bailed out, i enabled w/his money, sat. slept most of the day, sunday got up and cleaned garage....said he was sorry, can't drink anymore, feels stupid, won't drink anymore, going to church, going to change. all i can do is listen, if i get my hopes up or believe...a few more days it can all change...it's hard focusing on myself, but i know thats what i must do. im going to go to f2f as soon as i can, i read i should go to atleast 6 to start...it will be hard but i can do it...i feel like im an alcoholic...im still thinking in my mind maybe if i say this or say that...i have to remember the 3c's that i learned on the online mtg. i pray my hp gives me strength though i feel alone. it's a gut feeling that is gnawing at me that says it isn't alright...im thankful for this message board it has reminded me alot of what i already know....i dont feel alone....i pray for everyone. this is a great place to speak in confidence.
dessiray, Welcome.. I'm glad you found us, and also very glad you are going to go to an f2f meeting. You didn't get to feeling this way overnight, that's why they say give it at least 6 meetings. Alanon isn't a quick fix, but a family of understanding people that offer a way to serenity. It's not easy to change our behaviors but I found it comforting to at least have a plan to do so. I had to ask myself 1000 times in the beginnning ..."What is the Alanon way"? The great thing is there IS a way. Hang in there, we'll be hear for you.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm glad you are here. The load can feel so heavy. Hang in there, you are in the right place -- and you aren't alone, we all know those feelings.
Try to keep in mind that your A isn't doing this "to you" -- though it feels like it. He's doing it to himself. And though you are tired of hearing the "I'll change" speech -- I'm sure he means it when he says it, his addiction just rules right now. You mentioning him calling himself stupid, well it's because he may want to control it, may even think he can control it, but he can't. It's part of the disease -- it's progressive. This is not to pity him, it's just part of it.
There is so much to learn in alanon, things that can really change your life, lift your spirits and help you to put joy back in your life...whether your A is still drinking or not.
Please keep coming back. If you can, get a copy of How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics it really gives you a lot of information.
Glad you found the MIP family. This is a safe place to let it out. I can feel your pain through your words. Know that in time you will feel better. Reading the literature and knowing that others do understand were a big help to me. I make it a point to read some of the literature every morning. I hold dearly to my heart the alanon promises. I know I can be happy and I try to keep the focus on me. Some days it isn't easy...it's darn right hard. But, when I do that it does help. Taking care of me was a forgein concept to me. I still have to work on that daily. Know in your heart you are a good person...you are worth it. Keep coming back. Big big hugs to you. your friend in recovery, rosie
