The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been a long time since I posted. I still feel like I'm blowing in the winds Of Hurricane Katrina. All is lost of what life I did have . I have moved twice and 1 more to go. And hopefully this time I will be settled for awhile.
As some of you know I hadn't seen my family in 10 yrs before Hurr Katrina and was dumped in Tx by A daughter. after sleeping on the floor for 6 months and no assistance for basic needs as I had no car and was still in shock, comes my A mom to Tx to visit A-daughter. She winds up in my care dying and wanting forgiveness for not being there for me and being a bad mom. So with the agencies not helping me I start asking neighbors that were moving if they were leaving anything as I was still on the floor and one gave me a bed , a couch, and this old 98 computer. What a gift to recieve, a way to communicate with the world. Beings I had no car, and the agencies wouldn't ride me in their cars due to policies, I had no busses and way to get things. I hitched alot and HP watched over me. Then I started dumpster diving as some call it. What treasures people throw away in this society. Then I found away out to move to NW Louisiana. And where I live gossip is horrible and they made me get rid of my cat family, against the fair housing laws and discriminating none the less. HP guided me to an animal agency that boarded them for me and yet they still tryed to evict me. My Dr wrote the letter prescribing my 3 cats as emotional support animals and still they refused to let me have them, only one. With all the turmoil and a-mom being in hospital 7 times since we arrived here in end of July, she up and gets her sister to come get her with no notice to me or contact since she left. And where I found to move so I could have my cats family back won't let me move in til the electric bill a charity in Tx that promised to pay , didn't, and is as much as a months check to me on disability. So I wait some more.
Will it ever calm down again so life can begin again ? Katrina was over a year ago and I am still blowing in the winds and haven't found a stop place yet. Now again with no family to help me or a spouse there is HP. I wonder what he/she has in store for me. The agencies that are supposed to help me have dropped the ball again and will loose the contract to case manage me. Where will I end up ???? The system is as dysfunctional as the family I grew up in was. Its hard to relate alot nowadays with whats on my plate.
There has been so much abandonment. I feel so lost in the world. I used to always feel trapped and in the chaois of the A's. And then 10 yrs to work on finding me and now blowing in the winds again. Where will I land and what will life be like when I finally settle down after the next move , hopefully the 1st of the year.
I know no one here. I have one person I have become somewhat friends with and another I met in the hospital. Now that my a-mom left so abruptly, I can start looking for 12 step meeting places other than online. I will start a partial hospital program next week. And have found a great councelor. I started with an Orthopaedic last week and have a new condition on my list, curvature of the spine, to add to the rest.
So I pray my lost condition becomes found again and would like you all's support, encouragement, and prayers. This is a whole different ball game than being in the chaois of the A family. What a switch. I read you alls stories and sometimes feel envious. And then I think well something better has to be in store from HP.
So thats my update as to where I am. Trying to stop the winds Katrina left behind.
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
I hope some day Katrina will be a distant memory for you. Keep pushing on. Keep focused on what you want for yourself and never give up. I believe you can get there :)
Take care Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
There was a woman who was evacuated up here to OH. She was 75 years old, born, raised, married, raised all her kids in the 1 house Katrina blew away. So, after her kids found her, they asked her if she wanted to move back. By this time, she had found a local PTSD support group. 75 y.o. and going to a support group. And she (best friend told me this story) poured her whole heart out at that group every week. Grieved the loss of that home, all the memories, all the losses, et cetera. She died 1 year to the day that Katrina hit, and according to my girl, she would say at the end of every single session "I am so grateful I found you folks. I never thought I'd get over the horrible thing that happend. And my family just doesn't get it. But when I leave here, I feel like it's gonna be okay. No matter what. Even if I never get back home. It's just gonna be okay." My girl says she fell asleep one night and just didn't wake up. Talk about going out with panache and style.
Now, to me, if this lady can find a way to start her life all over again, having lost everything she knew, having absolutely no one around her to support her with all her needs, I have no doubt that you can too.
the web is a huge resource for me in codependency and otherwise. I also try to reach out to others. Just in November i made a friend who I now check in with daily.
I would be nowhere without them. We all deal with adversity here dealing with A's who are hell bent on destruction. I think in so many ways the metaphor of a hurricane is apt for dealing with them. I walk on eggshells every single day.
I know the adversity I currently have is considerable for me. I've been homeless, been sick with no resources, been freindless, been lost. Abandonment is a huge issue for me. I have to cultivate daily inner resources the more I have people around me who care about me the easier that gets.
You are a double winner I guess growing up in an A home and now the dyfunctional system. Go figure. What a test of your inner strength. Lots of support and prayers coming your way from Arizona. As always our HP's have something better for us. I just know that there will be more cats in your life in the future.
From one cat lover to another, I will keep you in my prayers! Blessings, love and peace to you, my friend. Keep the faith, and be comforted in knowing that HP is with you.
D I have thought of you often! Wondered if you would show up again. So glad you did.
You have been thru a lot. Sure are a survivor. Hoping your next move feels like home.
I am sure you can make it be. Have you looked into renting a room in someones home? Then you just have one payment, don't have to think about power or anything.
Make your room your home. Around here there are lots available. Many allowing pets.
It is so hard for single people to make it on their own. I know I would have a bad time with out my place. At least here I can rent my rental, and rent my two bedrooms on one end and the end den room and bath.
Plus one gal can have her horses here.
Must be hard not knowing anyone too. D I know a lot of people but have not talked to anyone in two days. Everyone I know has a family. It is hard to get used to sometimes.
I don't have a vehicle either right now. Makes things very hard. The A about sucked me dry. But I am happy most the time, very thankful too.
If you can, maybe try looking at what you do have. I mean your strength, your heart, you can see and talk and walk around.
How did anyone know you had cats? If I were you, when you move again, don't say anything about it. Just keep the litter boxes super clean and not talk about them.
They are your family, I understand that completely. I wish you were closer so we could see if we were compatible enough to share my home. I have two bedrooms I am renting and we share the bathroom. The two rooms are separate from my part of the house being the kichen and living room. I am building me a sun room on the covered deck for my bedroom.
On the other side of me is the den and bath this guy is going to rent and make him a studio out of it. All have private doors in and out.
There are five acres here so it sure would not be crowded. I think many of us need to live like this now.
Rely on your hp. Do what you can, rest and trust the outcome.
Come here and vent as much as you need to.
Glad to see you back. Don't give up. You are doing great. Such a strong survivor!
Hi, I am also a Katrina survivor. I lost my home in St. Bernard Parish, La. The only home I had ever lived in. It was my great grandmothers, so I can totally relate. I wish I had some magical power to make things better, but as you have learned in this process, it is minute to minute. I have been very blessed to meet some incredibly kind people who stepped up to help me and owed me nothing, and family members who should have stepped up, and did virtually nothing. I will absolutely be praying for you. Please keep stopping in to update on how you are, Cindy
Send me some prayers please
