The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to remind myself when I get slumped down with yet another holiday with the A that there is only two more weeks to go. I know there is a lot of light for me in the nwe year. For one my financial obligation to the A is less. I will finally have paid for the truck that he uses by then. I will be in a position to not have that debt hanging over me at every juncture.
I think that the job market is picking up. I have to remember one of my charactor defects is not having patience. I need patience to get through the next few months of plan bing. I also need patience to vision a future without the A dragging me down. I know I cannot do many more Christmases like this one. This has been every single Christmas with him. Even when I had money he did his best to ruin everything. So I have given up doing Christmas with him. No more celebrations for me with him I just get incredibly disappointed.
I have to remember he is not capable of relating to anyone but another drug addict. That is who his friends are. His best friend is right now basically homeless. He spends all his time in the bar and sleeps in a place he is not supposed to be living at in the night. He lives like that and this is the man he admires and hangs out with. That is the kind of depths he goes to. I am not going down with him. I am not going to despair and illness with him. I've already been there. I know he cares about nothing but his addiction he's proven that over and over and over again.
I think that we have a similar diagnosis of love addiction/love avoidant. We don't get alot from these relationships that we are in. I too am looking at my finances and doing a budget. My AHsober kinda holds that over my head. I have been looking on the internet for another job. That would be a big jump but it might be time for a change for me
These holidays are hard for me. Wish that there would be more to be happy about. However, what I want to say is that I hope that sometime in the next 2 weeks that you find some joy for yourself! You deserve it. You have worked so hard in your recovery program.
