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Hi I am new here but not new to al-anon. My sibblings and I are/were planning a birthday party for our mom. I wanted only a moderate amount of alcohol, as there will be children invited. I would prefer no alcohol but it is not up to me. My sister called and told me she was going to write "bring your own bottle on the invitations and I had a "cow". I agreed to buy some beer and I thought we would leave it at that.
Since, I was so upset she decided to leave the byob off the invitations, but I find out she is telling people in person to bring their own bottle. Well, to make a long story short I pulled out of the party and decided not to contribute any money since I don't feel comfortable with the amount of drinking. We grew up with a raging alcoholic and I would feel very uncomfortable with this party. My sister occassionly attends al-anon as does our mom. My sister doesn't understand why I have issues with the drinking??
I was wondering how other people deal with the alcohol party situation?
I am so proud of you for having the courage to not participate in an unhealthy situation. It's a matter of taking back control of yourself and that has to feel good. I don't know how many times I have sucked in all of my feelings just so I wouldn't disappoint mom and dad because the kids could not agree on something, and wishing later I had stood up for myself.
Hang in there, you are doing what is best for you and that will be what matters most in the final outcome.
HUGS
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I dropped out of the A's mother's holiday parties because there was so much alcohol there.
I don't have a problem not going to things anymore. I used to want to people please now I don't. I don't also need to be a raging person and the balance between the two when I am triggered is pretty hard.
It's my thought that they'd have brought their own bottle anyhow. At least that his how my A always did. Unless the invitation read NO alcohol, then he was bringing his own -- and in the quantity that he wanted.
As far as attending the party yourself, I've had to do the same thing and just opt out. It wasn't an easy thing to do. The big one for me is my Mother in law's Christmas eve party. We go at 3 pm and leave by 5 before it gets started. That was my compromise. She got to see the kids, exchange gifts and I didn't have to deal with my children picking up a cup they thought just had soda.
You really can't control the amount anyone drinks by putting on an invitation what is going to be or not going to be provided. You just need to do what is best for you and allow others to do what they are doing. It's not easy being the ones having to give up a function, the alternative is dealing with how they will be and risking a little one getting something they shouldn't drink. Do what is best for you. Give it to HP.
I can see why you are sensitive to this, but the fact is that many many people drink without becoming alcoholics. I still drink, even though my husband no longer does. I do not bring it into the house, but I do have a couple if we are at a function where alcohol is being served. Now if the alcohol is being brought into the home of a person in recovery, I would not agree with that at all and say that you are probably right to pull out of the party. Aside from that, BYOB usually means if you want an alcoholic drink at this party, you must provide your own beverage. It does not mean that everyone must bring an alcoholic drink.