The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is tough...his disease and his weapons of trying to get me angry and anxious are in full throttle. He is not calling as he says he will - all week long and for the past few - he doesn't do what he promises he will do. I know it is futile for me to get angry - I am not dealing with a sane man and his disease is trying to get me upset and angry to I punish and berate him which gives him reason to drink. Nope. I won't go there. I acknowledge that he hasn't called as he said, but let it go...I don't have expectations of him - he is ill. I refuse to go into the emotions and need to protect myself. In one of the readers it said, if a person has the flu, we protect ourselves from them so we don't catch it. In the same way, if a person is trying to provoke anger and anxiety (his alcoholic symptoms), we need to protect ourselves from that and not give in. It is really hard and I am learning - it doesn't seem fair and just. I am powerless over his behavior and I don't expect much from him. I was obsessing tonight and trying to get involved in other things to take my mind of it. Nothing I can do - pray to my HP for the next ste[
Writing my thoughts out...what are your thougths? How do you handle it? o
A few things come to mind here...I know that when my A is down in the pit, if I allow myself to climb down there with him niether one of us will be able to get out. If I stay out of the pit, my progress toward recovery builds a ladder for him to climb out and find his recovery.
I was reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, it's all Small Stuff" this week and in the second chapter it put a lot of things into perspective. If I accept everyone for who and what they are and not judge them then everything in my life is ok. If I don't judge my sister because she is an A and can't keep her mouth shut, don't judge another sister because she is an A and addicted to pain killers, don't judge my brother because his addiction in his teens has literally fried his brain and don't judge my A son for his addictions then I have nothing to obscess over and everything is OK in my world just the way it is. If I leave everyone else in my life alone and let them live then I can also peacefully live my life.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I think sometimes it is incredibly difficult. I don't find the A any easier to deal with now than at any time. I think he is worse. He is so so provocative. He also does nothing for anyone but people he uses with.
I am some days just so sick of him. I have to remember that I just need to detach and do that. As long as I am in the pit with him I am just going downhill.
Just realizing that I am dealing with a disease and not the man has brought a sense of relief. He lies, says he will call and doesn't, blows it off, etc. I am learning to stay out of it. NO expectations. Thank you when he does come through. But no doubt about it, it is difficult. I go to my f2f meetings and call my sponsor.
