The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate to say this but I know I thrive on chaos. I am at the top of my game when the pressure is on and I'm feeling a little bored and lonely. How do we get over that and not seek the chaos anymore?
I am a life-long chaos thriver. My home life has been peaceful for a long time, but I was self employed for quite a few years. That is its own form of chaos and excitement, not knowing you have a steady paycheck. A few year ago I gave it up for a "normal" job. It's the best job I've ever had in every way, but... there isn't a lot of excitement. Very few crisis. I'm not on the front lines. I miss it all the time, but not enough to really want it back!
I guess I'm confident of my ability to function in crisis. It pretty well describes the first 40 years of my life... LOL. So I can come out of retirement if need be, but in the mean time I'm learning to enjoy some peace and quiet.
Living in chaos is one of codependent's addictions. It's the pentacle of feeling needed to get our needs met...if that makes sense. Forcing ourselves to enjoy the mundane rituals of life and finally being o.k. with the stillness and quiet is progress in recovery. I would force myself to sit in my apartment sometimes and just be still, pray, read, meditate. Now when I get that time to be still its when everyone is asleep... I love it and don't miss the chaos and drama anymore. It will come I literally felt like I was going through a withdrawel. The adrenaline wasn't around so much anymore and I missed it too. keep working it.
Peace,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I lived with constant dramarama as a child. That is one thing that I noticed when I went home to see my mother. There was not one day that I did not see a crisis with my mother. That is all she knew her entire life, one crisis after another. I think she manufactured them because that was the only way she knew how to relate. My roles were firmly assigned as a child either scapegoat or rescuer. There really isn't much of a choice there.
So when I meet people who live in constant chaos I felt at home. I have had to learn to feel alien to it. These days I want peace and quiet most of all. I no longer thrive on chaos I try to avoid it. I don't even think I handle it well at all. So much for my illusions.
Missing chaos for me is like missing a toothache!! But, dear one, I think we are what we are. Certain traits are in the genes supplied to us by Mommy and Daddy, and cannot be changed.
My humble opinion.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Service work also helps alot in this area. Bringing meetings to rehabs. Starting meetings. Getting involved with al anon at a deeper level allows us to really challenge ourselves and grow.
