The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night as I cursed the Christmas tree lights, I thought, "Heaven help me -- I am powerless" Then I started laughing. When I finally got all the lights working, the blinkers blinking and found the extension cord I starting thinking about things here and how I perceive them.
So as I wrapped all the lights on the tree I thought, I can look at us getting the tree on our own this year without the A as a sad thing-- or I could look at it as, we got the greatest tree, without having to deal with a hung over person who didn't want to be there. We laughed and had a great time and were blessed to have someone to help us haul it into the house. It is the A's loss and his responsiblity to participate if he wants to.
I can think about what a pain in the arse it was to straighten the lights and get them on the tree, or I can be grateful that they are all running and I have a tree to put them on.
I can approach this Christmas as I have every year, with dread, or I can participate in it, create my own joy and not project what's going to happen. I have a choice.
I can look at life and say, my roofs leaking, my washer quit, I'm loosing my mother, and I still have an A to deal with. Or I can say, I have a roof over my head, a friend to help me out with the laundry and I still have a little more time with my mom -- and dealing with my A is so much easier to day w/ alanon that it was before. Life is good.
Sometimes we can forget we have the power to turn it around. Nothing has changed for me except my attitude. There is never going to be enough time in my day, but I can live each day or dread it. I can wish it away or I can seek out those good parts and become aware that there really are good parts. It's a choice. And when I can't see past my woes in life, then I call someone who can. I'm truly grateful there is someone to call to give me that chance to change my perspective.
Hope you all have a wonderful day -- even w/ the lumps and bumps, keep an eye open for the good things around you.
Can you bottle that stuff and give it away as Christmas cheer???? - No, I know you can't. That kind of stuff only comes from working on yourself and trusting in a power greater than ourselves.
And definitely give yourself a pat on the back for getting all the lights to work!! Christmas lights alone can mess with my serenity - half the string works, half doesn't - half blinks, half doesn't. Are Christmas lights disposable? Maybe I should throw them out & start over every year???
Anyway - thanks for a great post and thanks for sharing your wonderful recovery with us!!
Merry Christmas,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I remember when I was about 8-9 I was finally old enough to put the lights on the tree. I kind of took it over and wouldn't let anybody else do it - I can barely even remember my dad doing it. Today I and up buying a tree and then it sits there undecorated until the kids/grandkids come over LOL....
The first time I had a place big enough for my own Christmas tree... I decorated it will all of the old family ornaments which had an interesting history. I remember through a haze of booze, staring at those old ornaments and thinking how my dad should be there, how he had let me down. At that time he had only been gone for 7 years. And that Christmas was 27 years ago. I still have some of those old ornaments, including a battered strip of foil (actual metal) tinsel that I have a picture of on my parents' tree in 1957. All those things by themselves are unimportant, they just trigger memories.
I'm not a holiday hater... some Christmases were better than others. I think it's important to enjoy it without becoming a people pleaser. My mom was the type of person who had to make sure there was a present under the tree from everybody, to everybody. More than once she would elbow me when some distant relative/in-law was opening a present and whisper "This one is from you". LOL. She doesn't do that anymore, thankfully. She's still the hardest person on my list to buy something for because like me, anything she wants she goes and gets it herself rather than waiting for Christmas/birthday hoping someone will get it for her.
This year it looks like there will be three Christmases... the Friday night company party, which I'll put in an appearance and leave early before the alcohol and poker games get going strong. Saturday will be at my house with my daughter & her family, and Monday at mom's and daughter/family will have their own first together Christmas in their new house, which I encouraged them to do.
Granddaughter is in that wonderful transition from kid to teen... her wish list includes both toys and cool-hip teen items, like a video camera.... she's such a different person from her mother, yet still I worry - she is at the *exact* age when her mom went from shy little girl to angry rebel and didn't come around for 9 more years. But one thing she has grown up with is the contrast between sober people and active alcoholics/addicts. She goes to meetings - both open AA and Alateen, has no memory of her mother drinking. But she also still sees her father occasionally and knows what a self-absorbed wonk he is. If a drink/drug is ever pushed her way, at least she has some knowledge of what she's chosing between. Of course I'd love to protect her from it (and everything else that is bad in the world), but it's not my place to hide things from her, or deprive her of experience.
Hello Luna , way to go ,keepit up . Go and buy yourself a really nice present something u really really want and wrap it up . they say it's all about the finishing touches . Louise
LOL Abbyal, I'd buy myself one handsome roofer. hehehe
Barisax, my favorite ornament is a small ziplock bag filled with green and red plastic fibers. When I first got married we had hardly anything on the tree, my father came over and hooked that little bag on the tree as joke. I've had it on my tree for 14 yrs.
This has been a very good day. I treasure these. ((((((everyone))))))
