The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For me, it's not so much that I have something to hide, it's more that I'm on the conservative side of letting my guard down. Because of the way I have been affected by the disease of alcoholism, I tend to be a little less trusting and very cautious with the information that I share with anyone.
I am learning to take care of myself and what makes me feel safe & secure. In being a little more reserved in my openness then I can find out if it is good thing before letting anyone or everyone know all about me.
As sad as it is to say, not everyone is worthy of my trust and not everyone will protect my anonymity. My anonymity in some situations is very important to me; almost crucial.
So it's not that I'm not being real or not being open - I'm just protecting myself - just erroring on the side of caution.
Just my opinion,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I am very much like you as far as just letting people see "me". I don't mind sharing whatever I am going through, or have gone through (I won't necessarily share all of my feelings about things, but I share the events). I have always felt that what I have gone through might help someone else who is having a problem or is going through that.
But I have found that I don't really have many friends--there could be many reasons for this, but I think part of it is my openness may make some people very uncomfortable.
I am not totally open about my life anymore. I've learned not to be. At the same itme I try to be honest.
I of course am not honest to employers, co workers or other people who are in certain roles in my life. I am honest with one or two people in my life. At the same time there are certain lines. I've had friendships where people used honesty to beat me up. I don't need that.
Boundaries are pretty important to me. I went from total secrecy of the family to total openness and honesty. I wish in hindsight I had not shared certain things with the A he used it to label me as mentally unstable. That is kind of amusing since he racks up thousands in a year on speeding tickets. Nevertheless he was looking for something. I was trying to have a relationship he's not capable of. I know that now.
So I am honest (with boundaries) with certain people but even then I protect myself. Self protection was not in my vocabulary before so that is progress.
I have a hard time with this and see this as a serious boundary issue. Sharing too much information is a definite boundary issue. I have lost jobs in the past because of this so I try to just give what I feel is necessary to accomplish what I want to accomplish. I have told people about my situation with my husband at work but other than that I keep what I do in my personal life to myself. Like I said I lost a job for talking about my personal life in the past.
I think you can be out, truthful and "to thine own self be true" without interfering in others. People will always listen to actions, not words. What are your actions saying? What is your program of action saying? How does your action reflect a level of self comfort? Self esteem? Self worth? Most important, self respect?
