The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been to my 4th f2f in 5 days... thought I had a grip on things, feelings, etc. I've felt overwhelmed over the last few days with having court coming up and the house to clean and work and this and that and this... I'm blue... I spouted off about how much resenting I am doing (in the group) and was crying, again, like a little baby. I'm so ticked that a certain member of my family can't come out here (2000 miles). retired, has never seen my home... actually never has travelled to see me... he knows i'm hurting, i told him in clear, concise language - and i have NEVER admitted that to him before... i'd like to think he'd be here for me in my time of need. but alas, pity is unbecoming.
I guess I'll spend the holidays writing, doing stepwork, going to meetings with my anon family. I do have a lot to be grateful for and I shouldn't be angry (poisoned) by feeling abandoned. My realization is that my mind is saying "after all the crap i've done in the past for you". I need to let it go and find my God for comfort.
God, bless my new friends for comforting me in my time of need. Bless me with strength to rid this anger and resentment. Give me strength to get my responsibilities taken care of and to set my priorities where they should be. Give me the strength to help others in need. Bless me with the words to make someone feel better, and the wisdom to be able to keep quiet when that is required. I am not perfect, God, but please, give me the strength to do what is right.
Love
cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Thanks for the lovely closing prayer. I needed that this morning. I went to bed early last night after a crying jag. Just thinking about the holidays has me upset and blue, also. I think it is such a common thing in lives where addiction is present. We just don't know what to expect...will the holidays be OK or will the A manage to do something to upset it all?
I have been reading your posts and you have the gift of eloquence in expressing yourself and telling your story. I appreciate your candor and try to apply some of your thoughts to my own situation (my son is the problem....not sure of the definition of what he "is"...for now we say he has a problem with alcohol and depression, but is not addicted). At any rate, his wife divorced him quickly last summer with little warning or preparation on his part. He received some compensation for the beautiful home they owned (his fully before the marriage), but gave up much much of his life. They have a toddler...the heartbreak in all this. Everything now is hopefully being done for the best interests of the child. Making a long story brief, we are heartbroken in this family that it has come to this. So yes, holidays this year are not anticipated with excitement at all. I am going to try and concentrate on the spiritual, make the best of the plans already in place, and keep happy as I can for the sake of the child.
I also want to thank you for that prayer. I am going to print it out and read it whenever I need to.
This is the 2nd holiday season we are not spending with my son, dil and 2 grandchildren as a intact family. The split up last October so to say the least last year was very, very hard.
I am trying so hard to not have ANY expectations where my A son is concerned. I want to have peace in my home and I am at least looking forward to having my 2 sweet granddaughters spend the week after Christmas at our house.
I keep saying to myself..."it is what it is" and try to make the best of what my HP is giving me. I'm sure there is a reason for it all. I have to believe that.
Sorry you're blue. I'd send you over to my mom's house if I thought it'd help, she doesn't have us to spend the holiday with either. If I was all alone for the holiday I would volunteer at a shelter, perhaps the mission serving food. That would be a great way to help others this holiday! Just an idea - I'm sure there are a lot of volunteer opportunities right now.
As to your reference to your dad - And I wonder why I have these feelings about men... Being cold and emotionless or having no feelings?????? HMMMM My dad was kinda that way too, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and stop whining kind of attitude about anything and everything.
The Holidays are a rough time for anyone with ny kind of loss and spending it alone makes it even harder. Do you have a homeless shelter or Soup kitchen near ? One of the most fulfilling things I have done is to volunteer and spend Christmas with people that have nothing. It put my grief in perspective and allowed me to turn my sorrow in to gratefulness.
I sure wish you lived near cuz I would say Come on over!!
Take care friend, Be kind to yourself, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
For when I think of what I have done for others, I am thinking I was keeping some sort of score. This program teaches me to do things for others and not get found out. Big or small. For me the very act of not getting found out is fun to me. It sure keeps the score card down for me.
I live 50 miles from my family, 500 miles from my boyfriend, 500 miles from my dearest friend. Guess who I see the most of? The two that are 500 miles away. My family doesn't come here ever. I tried to have Thanksgiving here (since house is bigger) and last minute each one of them backed out. I think I was a little more annoyed by the fact they just gave me excuses as to why they couldn't do it. Instead of just coming out with the truth of the hour long drive the winch at.
I had a girls weekend with my nieces last weekend and this weekend I will have a boys weekend with my nephews. I get to do the pick up and drop off. That is okay. My program tells me to accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change the things I can. It only bother me if I allow it. My family feels guilty they don't come out here. I need not make them feel any worse. I practice my principles of my program and time takes care of the rest.
Yes, at times it does get lonely. I put the trees up and they are beautiful. I got a new table and it is beautiful. And....I sure get excited when Fed Ex comes. Hey come look at my table you perfect stranger! As the Fed Ex man runs screaming. lol. I have my family in the program. I have friends in the program that drop by for coffee. I have my boyfriend and my other friend that come to see the kids and I. I focus on that. The fact that I am not really lonely after all. I still make the drive to see my family.
My daughter has a play this evening. My daughter asked my mother to come. She told her she would think about it. My mother told me was going to come since she was invited. If she comes that will be wonderful. If she doesn't then I cannot let my feelings get hurt. She has her reasons and I need to accept that.
I hope you continue the f2f meetings, work with a sponsor, and do the steps together. The program works if you allow it to. Little by little, one day at a time, there is nothing you can't get through.
Just wanted to give you a hug. I've been where you are and when I finally surrendered to my HP, whom I call God, and accepted the fact that my A was never going to be anything more than an A, my life got better. I no longer was hurt by his not being there for me EVER. I then was able to grow and move on to other relationships where I could trust people again. That my A is not indicative of all the others in this world, though he told me that and tried to convince me.
The greatest thing was Alanon, my family of choice.
Keep coming and posting, yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Praying that your HP will send blessings of hope, serenity & encouragement in a special way that will help you to have better days soon.
Also, I don't know where you are but if you are anywhere close to Lake Charles, LA - you are welcome to join our family for Christmas. We're hoping that we will be in the new home, but even if we're not, we are going to celebrate the best way we can. We have some other friends that don't have a place to go that are coming to our home, too.
I can guarantee you it's not fancy, but it's filled with love, acceptance, peace and providing I can get in the new house, so I can cook - we will have some really good food!!!!!
I admire you for working thru your feelings & do hope that your heart is carrying a lighter load soon,
Easy Does it,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I used to love the holidays, but over the years the joy faded. When I got divorced and I had to split the time with the kids, it just stopped feeling like Christmas. Then the past 3 Christmases were spent with an alcoholic/addict (which is nothing in comparison with others here how have spent pretty much their whole lives of Christmases w/one), but I have found it even harder to get "into the spirit". I am hoping that that will get better with time.
My dad used to say "Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic!" I am trying to put that little phrase back into my head and let it grow! My husband thinks I am a morning person (which I am so totally not) b/c I don't get up w/ a frown on my face and biting at everybody--this is from years of training--in my house if you woke up and were grouchy or "frowny" my dad would make us (actually it was mostly me) do the "Good Morning Cheer"--after many mornings of this I learned how to put a smile on my face and be polite even when I didn't feel like. I say this b/c this week I was reminded by my dad just how powerful a positive attitude can be. (due to car trouble my dad has been taking my kids and I back and forth to work/school everyday and I hadn't realized how my attitude really affects my kids--I mean I know it, but to really realize it and take it in is different--anyway when we would get into the truck he was "on us" with his positive outlook and making sure that everyone started the day with a smile and laughs and just a good feeling----Man I want that back!!!!!!!)
Now I know it's hard when you are alone to change the "blues", I for one can just go over my "sorrows, loneliness, anger, etc." over and over like a broken record keeping myself down. I hope that in this place in your f2f group you can find what you need, hear what you need, to help make things better and get you through such a difficult time!!!!
Keep coming back, you have already made such a difference to the people here!!
You know I had a friend recently promise to be "there" and I was totally candid with her about my situation. She eventually intrigued me and dropped me. I do think its hard to get back up when someone is intriguing and then lets you down.
I have one friend who I check in every day with. That helps immeasurably. I also have a therapist who seems to want to be there. I've given up on the A being there.
I find the holidays really hard and a lot of days I just feel "numb".
