The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I realize I don't HAVE to accept anything. My dilemma here is I loved my husband so much, everything fit perfectly, we laughed and got along great. He was all the things I wanted in a man except a few and the few grew. The thing I have a hard time accepting is that I can NEVER trust him again and I know that if I try to rely on him I'm setting myself up for pain and suffering - not just myself but my kids too. I don't want to accept this FACT but it is a FACT and I can never tell myself again that it's all gonna get better or go away or this time he's really better or or or. Do you see?
Yes, I do see exactly. You are quite correct in your summation.. It will never be the same. That doesn't mean things can never be good again, but they will never be as they once were. That is a fact that I had a hard time accepting, but to not do so only tends to drive us crazy.
With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I call that Giving up the dream. There's nothing easy about it. It's grief, and grief takes time. It's our perception of what was, what could have been etc. I came to realize that it truly was MY dream when my A was active. It certainly wasn't his..lol
It doesn't make it much easier but it did make me understand that I was grieving an illusion, something that wasn't. Even though it WAS at one time, but that was gone.
Try to look forward (((CG)), you'll build new dreams again.
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 19:02, 2006-12-14
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
This is a part of the grieving cycle. From my prospective, your grieving the loss of the love of your life; your marriage; the father of your children. First there's the shock; then denial; then anger; then barganing; then acceptance (I BELIEVE that's it...)
Be angry; be in denial. Be outta your mind just "Huh?" Channel your energy into safe outlets. I do water aerobics. My dog thinks I throw balls into the nether regions of our yard for her good times (it feels so good...) Grieve. The healing is in the feelings.
