The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
BANK ACCOUNT.....Please read this is very good! > > > > A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who > >is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair > >fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally > >blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently > >passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting > >patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told > >his room was ready. > > > > > > As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided > >a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that > >had been hung on his window. > > > > > > "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an > >eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. > > > > > > > > "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." > > > > "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. > > > > > > "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. > >Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is > >arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love > it." > >It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; > I > >can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the > parts > >of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for > >the ones that do. > > > > Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll > >focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just > >for this time in my life. > > > > Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what > >you've put in. > > > > So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of > >happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in > >filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five > >simple rules to be happy: > > > > 1. Free your heart from hatred. > > 2. Free your mind from worries. > > 3. Live simply. > > 4. Give more. > > 5. Expect less. > > 6. Allow love to be your guide
This is how it works for me. I added the last one. love,debilyn
As someone who is lethally co dependent I have to be super careful with the give more maxim. I have given to others till I am about dead and bankrupt. So for me the give more has to be tempered a lot. I will literally give my last breath away.
Thanks--that was a wonderful story! Sometimes it is so hard for me to focus on that truth. I get so caught up in how things aren't the way I wanted them to be or thought they should be. I need to keep this as a constant reminder!
marisie, to me I take give more as share yourself or whatever but don't do it to your demise.
It can be to give more to you. From my learning about you, what are you giving that is not tearing you apart? That is not giving, that is sacrifice, it hurts you.
there is a big difference in compromise/giving and sacrifice.
For instance, I got married, I compromised and gave what I could with out hurting me. If I told him, ok no more animals for me, that would be sacrifice and I would have hated him for that.
But what I did was, I made sure to have a place the animals could go and not be under his feet all the time. I am used to it, it is me. But he needed a break sometimes.
So my dear lady it has always been up to you, sacrifice or compromise.
I think I learned sacrifice as a child. I also think I learned selflessness then. I also think I identified too much with those in need. I grew up in such need that I swore I would not turnmy back on someone who needed it. I really felt as a child that people turned their backs on me and did not help when they did. These days I understand that people then were not traine din child abuse detection. I also understand that people have limits. I understand that some of the people around me as a child did not have giving.
I also think after a year in al-anon I understand some of the As pathological sense of entitlement. I think that's the opposite of some of my cutting off the sense ofneed in order to survive as a child. I ask for so so little.
I've had to stop giving for a while to others because I did not know the difference. Now I do. I do give to others of course hence my participation on this board. I also give of myself to others but not to my demise anymore. I give to myself daily by being here and by working the program no matter what. I think it takes strength to survive an A. So many people do not survive it they get sick and they never come back.
