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The demon in me has come out. My A has been detoxing from h for the past 2 weeks and he has been drunk the whole time drinking at least a 1/5th a day he has been screaming flopping around the house just complete agony and I should feel sorry for him and try to help more but we went through this last January and it was one of the worst times of my life. I did everything to help him it was a nightmare for me. I feel he became a A from the constant drinking to suppress his heroin withdraw symptoms well actually he was on meth at the time I think even worse than it has been now. All he does is ask me to get more alcohol for him waking me up in the middle of the night to get more it has been hell for me. Well I have been so crewel I can’t even believe the things I have been saying and doing to him. I warned him when I found out he was using again that he couldn’t detox at the house I wouldn’t go through it again, well he did it anyways. I don’t know how to stop being so crewel I can’t stand being around him. I have done everything to be out of the house as much as possible. When I’m there he keeps running me ragged to get him things help him etc. All I feel is hate for him for the things he put me through the past year I wish I could be more forgiving I just can’t.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through that. My uncle detoxed from herion at my grandparents house. It was absolutely horrifying. Is there an outreach center or someone you can contact that might have someone who can talk to you about what you should (should not) do while he is going through this?
For you though... can you stay with someone and just get out of there for a few days?
Be gentle with yourself and your reactions. There is a saying that hurt people hurt people. I have been at my worst when my AW was acting out and I didn't have this program to fall back on. What you have said and done can't be taken back, but you can always make some amends for it later. Nothing that you could say or do could possibly be worse that what is spinning around in his own head right now.
You can only do the best you can do. We have all taken our frustrations out on the A at some point in time. Don't compound the pain of what is going on by blaming yourself for reacting. It just won't do either of you any good.
I will keep you in my thoughts ....
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Detox is a physically dangerous process. If you feel certain your loved one is in this process, he needs professional help. Hands Down. Not. Your. Job. Period.
Now, for you. I'm not surprised you're upset with your reactions. You have a conscience. You understand how the disease of alcholism works, why your loved one is how he is, and you also know more about yourself. You also feel no excuse for slipping anymore. This is why the 10th step exist. Daily, we are challenged to look at ourselves honestly, thourougly, and change what needs to be changed. We need to set right our wrongs and make any alterations when called for. Given the fact that your loved one is in detox, perhaps calling for outside help would be the best amend availible, in my opinion. But the idea is, essentially, attempting to make amends to someone who is mentally unstable (and this is the key risk in someone in detox, they may try to harm themselves if they begin having delusions) may not be as successful as one hopes. Action. Not words.
I gotta agree with tiger on this one! People can die during detox. Sounds like he's not really detoxing anyway, just replacing one thing for another. The hospital would be an excellent place to send him. If that doesn't work try dropping him off at a treatment center. Usually without insurance, the hospital is the best bet tho.
Please get him into a detox center somehow, someway and come to Alanon yourself. I found when I was reacting to others in a negative way, it was killing me. I too became nasty. Alanon is just what I needed.
So glad you posted and hope you keep coming, yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you, he is in the hospital and I'm injoying the break from the constant stress.
Friday I came home from work and he was totally wasted passed out, I was completely disgusted I went out with my old boyfriend, yes I have been seeing him when he comes in to town to see his kids a couple times a month he is a great distraction without him I was going insane. Well anyway I came home around 1:30 am and he asked me to take him to the hospital I gladly did, I was with him at the V.A. hospital until 2:45 than I left him their and they admitted him for detox. He’s still their and having a real tough time with anxiety and the shakes can’t sleep even though the have him on a lot of tranquilizers. He doesn’t seem to be getting better. I don’t know how long it will take I just hope he’s gone as long a possible so I can sleep soundly.
