The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the slight change you wonder where i have been and not in the room so much. I want you to know that i am not leaving alanon. There are some things i need to work on for myself and need a little distance to do it. It is time for me to really get into recovery something i have never done. I only touched the base of it and hoped that would be enough. Seven years later in and out of alanon it is far from enough. I do fear recovery always have. ITs been like a big no in my family, like a bad word, if you need help from someone else was considered nuts or a loser. Even in my distant family aunts and relatives who do not drink. I know what recovery will bring to me. I have been very afraid to go there. Afraid to see myself for who i really am. AFraid to realize things about myself. More pain to come. more things i dont even know about that will come up if i do go into recovery all the way not half way like i have been doing.
There are also different issues i need to work on. So i will still be in the room at times. Just not as often I decided to get through the steps. Instead of procrastinating like i have been. I will chair all my meetings i am scheduled for. come in now and then. I need to start life instead of going through the motions of living. live instead of survive. Let go of my past once and for all and then forgive myself for all i have done.
So just know that i am not gone, just doing some different things on the long road to recovery. My children also need help. I will try to get them into some kind of help also.
Thank you all for being there for me.. Thank you all for calming me down when i didnt know how. I love you all. See you soon.
kerry
__________________
Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
I wish you all the best in recovery. I love watching others sit down in the chair all the way, roll up their sleeves and work at it. It is the same thing I have to do to live. Thank you for your honest post. This reminder for me.
Kerry, just want to tell you how much I have appreciated you. I've enjoyed your spirit and the time you have given here. I also want to encourage you in your journey. You are a beautiful person......don't be afraid. There is a diamond in there.
I can Identify so much with you, In a whole lot of things. I also believe we have to take some time away from al-anon, every now and then. When I am concentrating on Ally, I miss a few f2f meetings. Becuse I have to listen to my thoughts, my questions, and sometimes being within the meetings can distract me, make me feel good about myself. But In doing that, I then have a lot of underlying problems I don't deal with.
I am feeling just like you at the moment, and I need some Ally space, My life Is now sorting out a lot of things, I could never face In the past. And YES you are right there Is always pain, sometimes the pain Is so bad, you think you will never get by It. But you do Kerry. And It makes you a stronger person for it. Tears (lol) Omg, I have cried oceans, but I would not change those times kerry, I have let go of somethings that were not good for me, and Im proud I could do that.
So I wish you all the time in your recovery, and I would ask you to be couragous and face everything. But do It a little bit at a time. Don't try to rush It all, (as you know).
I have seen quite a change in you from when I first came to this site. Your words have softened and your spirit enlightened. Everyone must do what they must do to continue their journey, and I wish you all the best in your recovery. gardengal
Taking time for you is taking care of you. I wanted to thank you for your service in the chat room and your esh. Take care of you...you will be in my prayers.
