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(((roomies)))) So much has happened since my last post. Some of you may have noticed I haven't been online for awhile. Hubby was in the hospital. He picked up an intestinal flu bug and was vomitting so forcefully that it caused a varcose vein in his esophagus(a result of drinking) to rupture. You don't always know what alcohol is going to do to your body. He was hospitalized for four days and had to have several units of blood. Although he is sober the results of drinking does take its toll ont he body (he has been for several months now) I was so scared. He is home now and is recovering. He has to be on a soft diet for now and has to see a GI doc to make sure everything is going ok. Another new chapter to begin in this journey called life. While all this was going on a friend of mine (who is also in alanon) was not exactly what i would call a friend, kept asking me if i had aDNR on him. She felt he wasn't going to make it. She said he may make it out of this hospitalization but not the next. Words I didn't want to hear nor wanted to hear. Contrary to what the dr was saying...he said yes alcohol did take it's toll on hubby, but with good nutrition and rest he will recover. Doc never said a word about giving up hope. The doc was positive but compassionate and let hubby know how serious this really was. Hope is what I was clinging too. When I told my friend the "good news" from the doc she still was very negative and told me hubby needs to really get to an AA meeting everyday. She did admit this wan't her business but she felt she had to say this. I haven't spoken to this friend since Monday as I need to take a break from her and do a step 4 on the situation. I know there is a part of me that is angry with her. I know in my heart I will forgive her but for now I need time. I know my HP never left me during this crisis. He put loving people in my life that were there for me and hubby. For that I am very grateful. We made it thru this crisis and there are lessons to be learned from it. Still sorting that out. For now I'm taking care of me....supporting hubby as he takes care of him. Thank you all for being here...letting me sort some of this out. I hope to see you soon in the chat room.... your friend in recovery, rosie
Keep working the steps and trusting your HP. I don't have any other advice, besides keep coming in and writing your feelings down... here or in a diary. It's cathartic, at least for me.
We care. I care. Be safe. Be happy. You can't damage CONTROL for anyone but yourself. The ravages of booze on the body are not top secret. As for your 'friend', it is like what many people say here: "Take what you want, and leave the rest."
With love
cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I have had friends not be able to be there for me when I really needed them. I felt so so betrayed. I have had the opportunity to discuss it with them years later. I felt that was helpful I really learned that they were not as "in tune" with me or as compassionate and loving as I had built them up to be.
I am sorry you have had such a long hard road. The A I live with three years ago fell quite ill I am sure from the many things he has done to his body. Right now he is undergoing treatment for his liver. He feels incredibly sorry for himself. He's going to the dentist soon. Needless to say the A never asks how I am doing or how my health is. I hope there is room in your life to attend to your own health. As a codependent I can completey neglect my own health and focus on someone else.
I am so glad that you had a doctor who treated you well and was compassionate and respectful.
I am also glad you've come here to get your needs met. I know this place to be a compassionate, loving, warm welcoming place. I find great great great solace here.
Apparantly the weak esophagus is common among A's, thuugh I don't think this is well known among the general public - the things we become experts on, hey? c As long as you are keeping the focus on you, and not letting your support of your A become you taking responsibility for his health, you can't go wrong. Good luck to you both.
I have a long time friend that lost her alcoholic husband to esophageal varices when he was 38. I'm so glad your A is home and you're both doing well. I also want you to know that even though I appreciate AA and what it stands for, my A has not gone to AA and has been sober for 10 mo. It was his hospital stay and brush with death that keeps him sober. I'm not sure what your friend is thinking asking about the DNR order, that doesn't sound like hope and support but you never know what people are thinking or their reasons for saying what they say. My wish is that you both keep doing what works for you :)
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
