The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today my mind is doing a battle, trust me I am trying my very best to let go an let God...not always the easiest thing to do.....Chuck entered a long term rehab program, he called yesterday going thru 3 phases of rehab....I think that is a good thing for him, can only pray he gets it...I acturally don't think that is affecting me so much right now...for me I feel like I am standing totally alone in the world........I know the Lord is guiding me...just not sure this moment which way to go.......I just keep asking the question of what do you want me to do Lord....
Do I totally turn my back on Chuck, after all he really deserves this....or do I give some simple human kindness to the man I have loved for 30 yrs.....I know which ever way I decide to go....I have to live with my decisions....my choices.......
I am doing better than I have in a very long time, this I am sure of....I guess I'll just keep trying to move forward and let destiny take it's course....afterall this is life....who knows what tomorrow brings....
We give and give until we think we just can't give anymore, then something happens and we are tempted to try, and risk giving again. I wish there was an easy answer, I've just found that I had to trust my gut.
I know that area you are in right now. Sometimes its call the "dropping off place". Its confusing and lonely and fearful. When I am in the dropping off place (change) and I don't know what to do I remember a slogan from early program that helps me alot. "When in doubt...don't". I just stay still and grateful for what I have for the moment rather than fear what I don't have or don't know. I ask my HP to just hold me and then go about a task that I might need to take care of. As for the "busy" mind? I try to practice faith that everything will be okay even though I don't know how it will turn out. I know I will be okay even though my mind is raging. Its just my mind and most of the time what goes on in there isn't reality and can't hurt me. Keep letting go and letting God and come and listen to others share their experiences, strengths and hopes. Recovery is in this. Thanks for your share.
I can relate to your post. I've been feeling that way as well, I've been doing a lot of giving lately and need to balance it out with some self love and doing the best I can for myself. That alone feeling has come and gone thoughout my recovery and even before. Keep reaching out just like you did in this post and remember this too shall pass.
I know this is a tough road for you to walk, dear friend. Just trust your instincts. I have been praying for you and God is in control through all of this........know that. You are a good person, Andrea and you are doing so well and have come so far.......just keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking one minute at a time as you walk down this road. I am with you and I care about you.
That is great for Chuck that he is getting help.Remember early sobriety is a very difficult time for them and even if you do reach out he may not respond in the way you might expect.
As others have said trust your gut...I believe it is HP's guidance.Hang in there,you are doing just fine.
