The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has taken me a very long time, to detach, and start taking care of myself. As we all know being taken care of, by someone else is out of the question. By doing simple things such as even showering regularly became a chore in itself, but you would make sure your children and everyone else were taken care of first and foremost. We even went as far as making sure the alcoholic in our lives was taken care of first, even though if they wanted to be taken care of or not. We find ourselves on the back burner, slipping further into dispair and discontent, and our self esteem plummeted lower than a snake's belly. For me the beginning of improving myself began with attending alanon meetings regularly, this made me think clearer, took me out of the constant fog I was experiencing for so long. It also made me get up , get motivated to get dressed and do my hair, put on make-up, and get out of the house, so I wouldnt sit there with my thoughts again, isolating from the world. I began to buy myself new clothes here and there, getting my hair styled, and doing my nails. I started to visit my friends again, go out ,, and I started to feel better about myself. I started to smile more, and even the occasional true belly laugh had returned. Simple things a person who hasnt been affected by alcohol does everyday. But for us who have been affected this all became so overwhelming and such a chore for us. Putting myself first was so foreign to me, it has taken such a long time to get here, but I am glad now that I am finding my way back to living a life that I need to have.
Great topic. I remember when I first came into the program, my sponsor told me (literally told me) to get up, get showered and put on something that I liked to wear, do my hair, makeup and NOT to forget perfume. LOL
I thought she was nuts, then I was told to get busy, which for me was cleaning and getting a number of things in my home back in order. As my life had become unmanagable so had my house! What happened was wonderful. I got to look around and see progress on things that had been bringing me down -- I started tackling things I'd been wanting to do for some time. I'd catch my reflection in the mirror and I didn't turn away -- I started to feel better about me. I got so busy at feeling good that projects that needed to be done were things I looked forward to...my thought were redirected, away from my A, and onto life.
Who knew that could all start with a shower.
Taking care of oneself can be done in a thousand different ways. It is good to look at how we can lift ourselves out of the disease and start living -- little by little, it becomes a habit.
For me I am being selfish! I am paying quite a bit of $$ and losing weight and getting healthy! So far 15 lbs and about 20 more to go. Enough sitting around worrying and fretting about the A's in my family (lots of them) and "pigging" out every nite. I figure I have given my A son lots of $$ now I can save it and spend it on me! great topic-Bonnie
I sure can see myself in these shares. When I started alanon I was depressed and isolated. I had spent 5 months caring for my daughter after a car wreck and the only time out of house had been trips to the hospital for more surgerys or checkups at the doctors. She had recovered enough to start going out with friends for a few hours at a time, which left me home to think about a divorce that had started before the accident from my addicted husband and dwell on my sons addiction. The first thing for me to, was getting up in the morning, hitting the MIP morning meeting, showering, then fixing myself up. Amazing what that will do to one's spirits. I truely had no idea on how to take care of myself. The first time I heard that I thought I do laundry and wash! LOL The next step was making myself get outside of the house. Make a trip out to the mail box daily, I didn't do that often. Sounds so simple now, At the time it wasn't. The next was what I call my bucket a day theraphy. I live on a couple of acres and the yard had been let go for that year. So I got a 5 gallon bucket and picked a bucket of weeds a day. Slowly I would got it worked up to more, but at first it was a bucket and back to the house. I started checking out something called alanon on line ...MIP and another alanon website...and I started reading alanon literature. Due to health problems I couldn't drive, but I got a ride to one from my sister and some angels from my now homegroup started giving me rides and I started a meeting a week. Then I got my license back, but as much as I missed it I realized that I didn't want to go anywhere. I felt safe here. So I started making my self take drives. Lots of times these drives were the 20 miles into town and back. LOL Some days I had to make myself do it, but I did it and I felt a true accomplishment from it. As I type this I really see how these were such baby steps. Slow steady baby steps.
Now here I am, divorced, the kids grown and really with the help of alanon a whole new outlook on life. I have been really working now trying to figure out what I like to do for enjoyment. Before all this my life was so focused on raising my kids and of course the constant project of getting my ex sober. I took up fishing which has really filled up some of my free time and brought new friends into my life. That really turned into a good move for me.
I have decided to start slowly (of course) to look for a new job. I use to love my job, but now I am realizing it was a job for the old me.. So I am looking around, really examing what is was about the old job I loved and what it is I don't like and see what direction it will put me in.
Last but not least I am still attending alanon meetings, working on my steps and most days enjoying the alanon journey.
Thanks for this topic ((gg)), sometimes it is a good thing for me to glance into the past, I am just so grateful I don't choose to live there anymore.
I am here, trying to improve myself. For all you newcomers, everyone here was in your position at one time. Stay, listen, read, learn. I think I may have taken my life if not for this site and the advice to move forward, attend a face 2 face, get healthy, start taking care of me. I am not ashamed to say something that "dramatic". Stay here, get help, get support, feel better... I know I did and continue to do.
I love you all for being good people.
c
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
