The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I DID IT...I DID IT!!!! I paid the rent AND elect. bill all by myself!!!! LOL That might not seem like such a big deal to some of you...but the money was one of the biggest reasons I stayed with my A so long, I was so scared I wouldnt be able to do it by myself....didnt trust myself to be a grown up and be able to pay my own way in life...but I prayed (time and time again hehe) for my HP to help me help myself..and you know what?????? IT FEELS GREAT!!!! I can make it through this life on my own two feet (and overtime at work) WOW..what in the world was I waiting on? I have faced the fact the Christmas wont be what were all used to but my kids are older now and they understand that I am trying to find my way and am doing the best I can...and if nothing else we will all be home together for Christmas with the ones we love and who loves us, that will be enough.
Now, on to the questions...my A got papers (I think a letter about not going to court..cant read the whole thing through the envelope haha) from the court house...I was going to take them to him at his job,like I always would have to make sure he took care of things and stays out of jail, so I got in my car,drove down the road and asked myself "Is this really any of oyur business?" NOPE I answered myself...and turned around and came back to the house that I, by myself, had just paid the rent on. So I was thinking and am wondering...do A's ALWAYS hit bottom? And if so..is there anyway to help them get there any faster??? I am worried that my A is going to find an end to his drinking that he cant come back from...I am really worried that he is going to drink himself to death.I know its not my problem anymore but I still worry about him and pray that he will find his way to a better life.
Thank you all for everything that goes on this board... There is so much strength here, its a nice place to come when you have none of your own.
YAY Rhonda! You have every right to be proud of taking care of yourself. You can make it. Good for you.
Hubby will hit bottom all by himself...maybe not as quickly as you would like, but good for you for deciding to let him handle his own business. Feels good, doesn't it?
Good luck and best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Some of my seeing the light is one of the rescues I did for the A in helping him by buying a truck he could use is coming to an end. I am almost at the end of making the payments. I am by no means ready to go off on my own yet. At the same time I feel less trapped and less resentful. What an irony that resentment and feeling trapped go together. The less I feel resentment on the A the less trapped I feel. Of course I am not out the door yet. I can see a life beyond this resentment and constant chaos though. One if how I choose to behave. This morning he was being obnoxious. I chose not to be around him that was so so key. I ended up having a lovely day on my own.
What a gift it is to have a day that isn't dominated by resentment. I no longer fear for the A he has his own higher power. For whatever reason he has chosen to deal with his illnesses maybe he will at some point deal with his alcoholism/drug addiction. I know I can't help or intervene. I have intervened enough and it almost killed me in lots of different kinds of pain. I also know the A does not love me or care about me and he is deep into his addiction. I can only be around that so much. I also have to acknowledge he has been incredilby hostile towards me and stop making excuses for him. I have made a million excuses in the years we have been together. He does not afford me the same opportunity. He does not afford me much at all really.
I think when I look back on it that the A has always been under the power of his addiction. He kept it hidden in the beginning of our relationship. At the same time even then he was disqualified from driving and didn't see a consequence in that. He has always acted out. He won't stop until he is ready to and I can't make him. I know also that I don't want to suffer the consequences of his actions anymore so I have to remove myself from his influence as much as I can.
About the bills--of course it's a big deal! It's what defines an adult! Celebrate the fact that you've become an adult! You found, believe or not, that you're not incompetent, that you're not an idiot, that you're not a....damn, can't say those very sexually charged words that you were called here. But yes! Yes! By all means! Yes!
About the letter--Let the court handle it. I garentee that they will get in touch with your husband in due time. If he doesn't open the letter soon, the letter will open itself by the course of natural events. This is a good detachment exercise for you: you will have a chance to mind your own business, let the consequences of drinking take their course, and let your own life progress on its own keel. This is a good Let Go Let God exercise.
Yea Rhonda!!! I am striving for the same thing. To be independent, to pay my own bills. I think my husband has some control over me because of the money. You are doing great so keep it up.
It doesn't matter how big or small - the fact that we are able to step out and conquer those matters that at one time had us paralyzed due to fear. That is an accomplishment.
Be proud of yourself!! I'm proud for you!!
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement....its a big help knowing there are people in this world that are happy for you and pulling for you to do better and dont expect anything in return...for so long I was held back by the thought that I couldnt do this on my own, because thats what I was told by my A...even just last night when he called to "let me know" how hard it is going to be without him here I started to doubt myself..then I thought "What??? didnt I just prove I can do it?" it might not be easy...but neither is loving an A and I do that everyday....and when life gets to be to much, Ill just run here and hide behind all of you great people!!! LOL
I hope you all found something to smile about today and are having a good week end.
You go girl! I'm proud of you! 
