The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do not fit that mold, and so it causes me to wonder why the vast majority of people here take life's little bumps to the extreme. Each of us has a BIG bump to deal with, but that should not close our eyes to the fact that we should choose our battles carefully, and think of the consequences before we jump head-over-heels into the flames over some situation that is not worth a minute of our time.
Case in point: I am thinking of the experience carolinagirl had at a recent f2f meeting. I believe I was the only one who advised her to drop it. This was one of life's relatively unimportant occurrences, and not worth getting into a confrontation over. This is not an indictment of carolinagirl, so don't misunderstand my point. Of course she was offended, and well she should be. So many of you advised her to say something to this man who made a suggestive move. SOmetimes saying nothing is the reaction of choice. Confronting this person is going to serve only to put him on the defensive. And if he is "weird" as someone suggested, carolinagirl could be in more trouble than she bargained for.
Lighten up kiddies! Someone is always going to be around to provoke and annoy. SOme things must be chalked up to experience and lain aside. In the long run we get along better in this world if we take life a bit easier.
Is it because I am older than most of you and have more life experiences? Perhaps. But it really boils down to knowing when to "hold 'em" and when to "fold 'em."
Thanks for listening to my morning rant. I would welcome your opinions...carefully considered of course.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Do you find it upsetting that your opinion may be different than others in some matters? I think it's great...
One of my biggest issues is trusting my opinions to be as valid as anyone elses. It doesn't mean anyone has to agree - LOL, but it's my opinion none the less.
So .... here's my opinion: your point of view on issues has been very valuable to me, and I truly hope you continue sharing it with us. The variety of experiences here is part of its charm.
((((Thank you for being here))))
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 09:54, 2006-12-06
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
No, no, no rtexas. I welcome the differing opinions here on MIP, and I have no deep-seeded need to be "right" all the time. My point is that so many of "us" take life so very seriously, and I feel a lightening up of sensibilities could be beneficial to each of us. I believe Americans, in general, are far too up tight.
Thanks for your reply. I, as always, send you best wishes, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
"Mine is a disease of distorted perceptions." Dec. 5, Hope for Today
I think that about sums it up in a nutshell. Often we've lived with the chaos so much we can't define what is a big deal and what isn't. In my case I recently had an issue similar to, but different from, carolinagirl's. For me to say nothing and pass it off would have been unhealthy behavior. I came here for thoughts on how to handle the situation. I was encourage and grateful for the responses. My feeling were validated later by my sponsor as not just feeling. I came here first -- and loved what others had to say.
Not always can we know what the right reply is to someone posting, we draw from our own experiences which are never identical to those of the poster. Here is where "Take what you like and leave the rest," comes in. Also, everyone replying is at different stages of their recovery. I do agree that some fan the flames of excitement/chaos in certian instances. I have to let this roll off my back, not everyone will agree with everything I post so it's no different for me to disagree with what others post. I also have to trust the Hp is giving others what they need to hear, just as He gives me what I need to hear.
For me, I pray that I'll never think I have the answers for someone else as to what is best for them to do. We don't advise, we share our ESH here -- we should all be mindful of that. Thanks for the reminder.
There are common threads. Extreme emotions and sensitivities are understandable. As I read, my thought is many here are very new to AlAnon. Perhaps this is their first "toe in the water" before mustering courage for face to face meetings.
Just as in f2f circles, it's not telling newcomers to lighten up that's effective. It's letting newcomers see laughter, experience the lighthearted joy of someone working the program that invites them to find the same in working steps, finding a sponsor and discovering their opportunity to be less then extreme.
Every post is a part of our "power greater than ourselves" just as each person who shares at a meeting or writes a column for the Forum. That's what gives us all a chance to take what we like and leave the rest.
to Diva and All...your input is important, and part of the HP's plan, regardless of where you are in your own progress.
Susan
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Plan B? Yea, Plan B - sounds so official, especially when we're flying by the seat of our pants! (from Dukes of Hazzard, paraphrased by my teenager)
Hmmm. So then it is all right to advise one way and not the other? I certainly do not think I have the answers to everyone's questions, but when the day comes when I can no longer voice my opinion, I'll just fade away. So AlAnon does not give advice...You need to lighten up Susan. Yep, that's my advice. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well I opened a whole can of worms didn't I? The reason I posed the question is that I wasn't really sure what to do. After thought beyond the initial reaction I felt that just blowing it off was the right thing. I talked to my sponsor about it yesterday (she has known him for 2 years) and she seemed to think that he sees me as a daughter figure and was probably just trying to be comforting but that if it was really a problem for me that I should say something. I think it was just me overreacting to whatever his intent. He has never given me any inclination that he has sexual desires for me and so it caught me unawares at first. The more I think about it the less important it really becomes. So take comfort Diva in knowing that your advice was sitting right there with me as I was pondering all the possibilities and it is actually the path I chose to take. Everyone knows you're gonna do what you're gonna do regardless of what anyone tells you!
"Everyone knows you're gonna do what you're gonna do regardless of what anyone tells you!"
You can think for yourself carolinagirl. The quote above, from your post, assures me of that. I am pleased and impressed by thinkers. However you choose to handle this situation will be carefully thought out and considered. Good for you!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
