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Hi my firends!! Oh boy! This one is really going to get some people fired up! <LOL> That didn't sound good...but it's the best way I could think to write it right now. My A' fell asleep AGAIN last night with a cigarette in bed!! I have been on the couch since Thanksgiving. Well...my A's got a friend, from childhood, and is the ONLY one that has any sense of all his friends I've met, right? I came home from work this morning and this friend was at our house (trailer). He asks me if I had seen the burn hole in my A's shirt, which I hadn't. OH MY GOSH! I was sooooo mad! I didn't say a word! This friend tells my A", You are going to burn this trailer up if you keep doing that"! My A' lied and told him he did it while he was awake, not asleep! Well, I don't ever talk to my A's friends unless their here visiting. But today!!! OH! I was calling this one behind my A's back to tell him EVERYTHING!!! And guess what!! he already knew weeks ago before the crap even hit the fan that I wasn't staying in this marriage! He told his wife that!!! Now that goes to show me, that people are paying attention to my unhappiness, and I didn't think any-one noticed!! <LOL> I'm telling ya's my HP...is bringing people into my life that I would have never thought of for support! This friend agreed that I need to get out of here before some-thing bad happens to me! That's why my Subject Line says what it says!! I am sooo close to getting out of this mess, now I'm afraid I won't live to see it...I don't want to get out of it by dying in a fire! So, I am going to find out if there is a woman's shelter that will let me stay there. Not because my A' hits me...but for fear he will burn me up! Will they let me, does any-one know? Well, regardless...I'll keep ya's posted ok? I was going to try and stick it out til my next pay day (17th) here...but ya know what? If the womens shelter will take me..I'm gone! I bet that will get his mom and dad fired up, and show them whose fault it is that I'm leaving! It isn't mine, and they can have him back as far as I'm concerned!! yes...there are happy end-ings and by golly I'm gonna live to see mine! ok...thanks again ya'll for being here!! I hate being the bearer of such blah, blah, blah, bad stuff. <LOL> Gosh! For once I want to be able to post something happy and positive and help someone else!! Gotta go, past my bedtime!! Well, "couchtime" now! <LOL> Love ya'll!! Take care/stay WARM & COMFY!!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
That was pretty much the last straw for me too. I knew I was getting close to having him leave when he drank all day on my niece's birthday and I started puuting his things in a suitcase. Two days later I came home and the place was trashed because he was so out of it, stumbling, etc. He tried to make microwave popcorn in the toaster oven and it was charred. How he didn't set the place on fire, only HP knows.
It was the hardest and best thing I ever did for me. I wasn't afraid to come home (he wasn't as abusive drunk). I never knew how hard it affected me until he left. I can now say that he has 6 months + sobriety and we are doing fine. Miracles do happen. But I do know now that I would never live with an active A. I can only hope and pray that his sobriety will continue.
Do what is best for you. Take care of you. You are taking back your life and that is what recovery is all about.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
For once I want to be able to post something happy and positive and help someone else!! .....WARM & COMFY!!! Hugs, Korinne
You did! you're doing something positive for you and there's every chance someone else reading this needed to hear your courage. That's just one of many miracles in this program.
I'm struggling with the leaving/staying thing myself. Part of it is financial fears, and I've been dragging out my decision for that reason among others.
Blessings on your decisions,
Susan
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Plan B? Yea, Plan B - sounds so official, especially when we're flying by the seat of our pants! (from Dukes of Hazzard, paraphrased by my teenager)
I guess if you feel your life is at risk they may take it. I think it depends upon the demand. I think its pretty hard at the shelter from what I hear depending on where they are. They can be hard going.
I wish you luck. I've certainly given up wondering what the A's family thinks. His family are in incredible denial as far as I am concerned. His mother ran off with some man she knew from high school recently. I think she wanted out. I think she also is totally oblivious of others much like the A is. That is a family trait.
I don't doubt for one moment the mother or anyone in the family would ever lift a finger for me so I don't much worry about their reactions to anything.
At the same time I think in leaving any situation its good to evaluate your options. Do you have other options. do you have other places to go. I think its pretty hard to talk to someone close to the situation actually. I prefer to speak to people removed from it. The a's friends are biased towards him and my friends really don't get the whole picture.
That is one reason al anon suggests waiting a while before you take action. For any of us at any time life can be incredilby difficult. At the same time there are many many people here who have left. Generally they haven't left on the spur of the moment they've weighed their options. They have looked at what they can do. They have thought it through. They have confronted obstacles. Sometimes in my life I've jumped out of bad situations into other bad situations.
Good job finding alanon and posting about your situation. Violence is unacceptable.
I sure can relate
In 2005 I found myself in a dangerous situation also. My Ah was drinking 24/7 and engaging in dangerous behaviours. Cooking while drunk and making things burn, trashing the house when drunk.
I found alanon and started to enforce the boundary that I would not buy and bring home his booze.
Well he was very mad and went after me! I was fast though and locked myself in the bathroom until he passed out.
Then I left.
The previous few months I was planning the escape as I saw his disease progressing along with the potential for violence. The people on this board helped save my life by teaching me about my choices and plan B.
I left a 14 year marriage. All my stuff. Every stitch of clothes except what I was wearing.
I took my company provided laptop (how I found the miracle of MIP) and a credit card that I had been allowed to have to buy the booze and food.
I was homeless for 9 weeks.
I was safe. I used the credit card to live in a hotel while I saved up for an apartment.
I lived like a hobo in the apartment with no stuff as I got more credit cards and bought clothes etc.
Today I am out since may 2005.
I divorced ah 6/06.
He continues to drink.
I am flourishing
Keep coming back.
Change requires courage.
It is SO WORTH IT!
In support
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Hugs, Korinne 