The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hope everyone is doing well. I haven't been able to post much. This is a very busy time of year for me at work so I have been replying a little when I have a chance and reading when I get a spare moment.
I seem to be in kind of an emotional "never-never land". Its a place where I know I am doing the right thing, for the right reasons, I just hate that my life has come to this place.
I had a good weekend with my AW. We spend much of the weekend together as the kids were out of town. No sarcasm, almost no self-pity, even saw a ray of responsability and genuine appreciation. It was quite refreshing from that stand point. In the last 6 weeks of our seperation have been pure torture, for her and for me. (guess she is feeding the other wolf for the moment)
So she is talking nicely, sensibly and talking over how she has plans for a smaller apartment that won't cost too much. How she needs a more afordable car, and needs to quit eating tv diners and start cooking cause that is too expensive. I guess I should be happy for her to see and make plans for getting her finances better arranged. But the reality is it just made me sad to see that she is settling for fixing those things and not considering sobriety. Not yet anyway.
I still have hope. To be honest, I have had some affirmations that she and I are doing the right thing. She is reading some recovery books. Has done several things to better take care of herself (some yoga and herbal relaxation voodoo... LOL ). She didn't do any of that at home. Just drank and screamed that she was tense, depressed and bored.
So I am just keeping myself open to the oportunities HP is presenting at the moment. Haven't been disapointed yet. Thank you all so much for being here.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
So glad to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing. It sounds like you are appreciating the good times you can have with your AW right now, even if she isn't rushing towards sobriety. You know, HP has his own time for such things I think, and things rarely happen at the time we want them to. You just never know what will happen or when. It is hard to realize that. Patience is a big thing in life I have found.
I am so glad you have hope... it is so hard to hang onto that after what we go through with our As. You are doing the right thing, you take care of yourself and your son, talk about your feelings and practice your program. You can pray for her, be there for her, and enjoy the sane times that you have right now with her. Like you told me, let her try to become the whole person while you are trying also, and then you can grow together when you have both become better people. That is a good good thing to remember.
I wish you all the luck and prayers in the world, keep your chin up and know you are doing the most loving thing right now...
Hey,tex. When I read your post I thought about how our A's don't want anyone to know what's really going on in their minds but it really is easy to know. There's no way in the world you could convince me that your wife isn't in a state of emotional, mental horror at what's become of herself. In the back of her mind she knows full well what's happened and is too overwhelmed by it to admit up front about it. I think that because, at this time, she does have to keep a place of her own and watch her money, she probably will talk about ways to cut corners. She'd much rather say "Can I come home now?" but she knows that's not going to happen any time soon. So she just has to make the best of it for now and in the meantime, it seems she's beginning to scratch the surface of the larger problem by reading books on sobriety and herbal stuff . She just may be starting that new journey! Just keep remembering that good things do happen!......jaja
I remember those weekends when my AH & I were seperated - we would spend the weekend together & I wondered was I living in denial, living in a dream world, could we really repair the damage, could he really stay clean & sober, what the heck was I doing???????
Like you, love was never a question, as I can tell in your post, there is no doubt that we love our spouses & that they love us.
It is more a question of if they can find a love of themselves enough to find a path to a better life - a road to recovery from this awful disease. A relationship with a HP; then and only then can we be joined again in that special blessing of marriage - a joined partnership of two recovering individuals working together for a happy, joyous and free life.
Don't give up before the miracle happens - I pray that you & your wife will experience the miracle of recovery together,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
