The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ever since Thanksgiving, things have went down hill for me and my AH. I've posted recently how I'm getting bolder by the day getting things off my chest to him. Well...I tried being honest with his mom and talking to her about how I feel about her son, and boy was that a mistake! She went back and told my A's brother what I told her and now he's going back and telling my "A". But...I guess I needed that because I have been honest and getting more & more off my chest to him about the drinking and now smoking maruijuana on top of it!! And then there's the pain killers he's been prescribed too. I told his mom about this group here, and I told her I don't go to F2F meetings because I didn't want to embarrass the family. I have put 2 applications in to make more money so I can get out of here before my goal of May 2007. I'm just not going to keep dealing with this crap the rest of my life. Do you think he's even said " I will do what it takes to make you happy"? " I won't drink any more while you're in the car"? "I will start doing things with you, that are important to you"? NO! He's apologized for ruining my Thanksgiving Day..but it means nothing to me. He's being rude and arrogant with me and I'm firing right back at him for it! I told him if he wants me out of here, he will have to throw me out! When I moved down here to Kentucky almost three years ago to marry him, I wasn't broke...and I'm not leaving here broke! He'll have to pay me to get rid of me!! <LOL> I've got a few people helping me find an apartment that goes by your income, and finding part time work. Driving a school bus isn't enough. It would be if they didn't "pro-rate" our paychecks! grrrrrrr!! They do that so the drivers get a check during the summer months when there's no school. I wasn't planning on being here next summer anyway! But I guess it'll help when I move back home to Ohio and know that if I don't find work right away, I'll have a couple of checks coming to me, right? But in the meantime, I just need to P-U-S-H!! Pray Until Something Happens! I'm so glad that I was introduced to this group! I can't join in the chatroom like I'd like to, but it's nice having all the posts to read and writing things down that some of you have written to keep in my own journal. I hope you don't mind! <LOL> It's inspiring to see others who have removed themselves from their bad situations, because it gives me hope that someday soon I will be able to post that I have to! I have to give those of you who stay credit! I just don't see how you do it. But...different strokes for different folks...right? ok...I gotta go before he gets home! Have a great weekend and thank ya'll for being here!!!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
YOU GO GIRL!!! I have been working my plan for a year now. And granted it has taken me longer than I had planned, I am almost there. My house took 6 MONTHS to sell. And it took me many months before that to get things squared away to even get it on the market. But here it is.....sold (as long as nothing goes wrong before Jan 15). And tomorrow I am going to look at a bunch of houses that I am interested in. Now my AH is coming with me to the new house but it will be in MY NAME and I don't think he will be staying there long. I have my separation papers half filled out that I received from my legal consultation back in the early summer and I am getting a firm grip on my life. For me and for my kids. Making that one final step (filing for separation/divorce & telling him to leave) will be the hardest step yet. But I think he knows it is coming.
So you just keep working on your plan. Sometimes you may find yourself side tracked but you'll get back on line and keep plugging away.
It sounds like you are working your plan! Keep at it! It may be rough goings, but you can and will make it through if you just keep PUSHin!! I wish you luck!!
I can definitely empathise with your position. I try to work on plan b daily. Like you money is a big issue for me but its not the only issue. I try to keep the focus on me entirely because the A will make it him 24/7 otherwise.
The A I live with has ruined many a thanksgiving. This one was no better than many others the only difference was I wasn't trying to please him or resenting him like crazy because he ignores me. I just worked my way through it focused on the present and the future.
I don't expect Christmas to be a bundle of laughs either. Let's just say the A won't cook and buy anything and I certainly am not. I already burned myself out paying bills I should not have to. And all holidays regardless of what they are have to be paid for by me. The A doesn't celebrate unless its with alcohol and drugs and principally with his friends and/or family.
I don't feel as stuck as I used to so I recommend plan b but I also recommend not saying much to the A. The less I fight with the A the more energy I have with myself. Why fight anyways he knows I am upset and angry and nothing changes. I don't have to reiterate it 1000 times a day. He carries on with his crazy behavior regardless the only thing is I no longer cover it up for him. My remonstrating with him never made a shred of difference ever.
The other critical thing for me is that I take none of the A's behavior personally. None of it is about me. That was a very hard one to get to. Now I have it I feel far less attachment to changing him.
It sounds like you have a good plan! I'm one of those others who have removed themselves from their bad situation!!! I got away from my cocaine-addicted A just 3 months ago. It was, by far, the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm SO much better for it now. My life is much simpler. I find that I'm taking way better care of myself. My holidays will be very different this year... but peaceful. I hope you find that kind of peace for yourself very soon! Best of luck!
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
