The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You know when I first came into the rooms of Alanon a couple of years ago I was one of those that didn't think I had a problem. I didn't think I was the crazy one. My husband was the one who had the problem. In fact, If I were honest with myself, I still could not see how crazy I was until just this week. My husband is an active alcoholic and he and I have been seperated for more than a year now. My husband is also an ACOA and suffered severe abuse coming up dished out by a very cruel father and a mother who felt trapped and didn't know that she had choices. Because of this my husband has some major mental issues. Even though I have been in Alanon for over two years, I found myself still looking for a reason for my husband drinking. Earlier in the week I spent a lot of time online trying to put a name to my husband's mental illness. I knew that he was not going to go to counselling so I was determined I was going to find out what was wrong with him. When I told my sponsor what I was doing she told me that I was taking the focus off of me and taking his inventory. I shared with here some of the things that my husband says and does and I felt like I had to put all the cards on the table so I would know what I was truly dealing with and would be able to make a more informed desicion as to whether to stay with my husband or move on.
Well, I got to thinking about what my sponsor said and I thought "this is crazy!". I have spent all this time researching why my husband drinks and I don't know any more now than I did when I first started. The fact is he drinks because he is an alcoholic. He may have some issues but not all children who were abused grow up to be alcoholics and not all alcoholics were abused when they were children. My sponsor was right. I had taken the focus off of me. I had become obsessed in finding answers where there aren't always there. That to me is insanity!
I am grateful to the rooms of Alanon and this board to help keep me grounded.
Aren't you glad to know what you have been doing? Now you can do something about it!!! The life we live in is very crazy, no need for us to add to it! I hope you can find peace with what is (I think we all search and hope for this!). Good luck in letting your HP restore you to sanity!!!
I can find lots of reasons why the A is the way he is. His mother is among them. I can obsess about her for a long time. She is gone now out of our lives several states away but I'll obsess every now and then anyways.
I catch myself at it which is what seems to have happened with you. I do it for a day at most now. I am also thankful I have to say she is no longer physically around.
I think the issue of responsibility is a hard one for me. I grew up around irresponsible people.
"I had become obsessed in finding answers where there aren't always there. That to me is insanity!"
Thanks for your post and insight. That is me. Why, why, why? I looked and looked at my husband for the answers. I know to keep the focus on myself but it is hard. Easier for me to be the matryr, the injured party. But you show me that there is hope.
