The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sat down this morning to check up on the board and am overwhelmed at the love I feel here. We care so deeply for others and always have. It occurs to me that turning that kind of love IN is what has brought me the greatest joy. It has been the catalyst for all the love I am able to see around me now.
I finally changed my username here on the board because I just want to be love - not that a name can tie me to the past, as I have been bouncing around the universe for centuries now. I just needed that step forward. I love my sweet friends who still remember me as sparky - so please don't feel that needs to change. I always want to remember from where I came so I can always remember to move forward.
I came into MIP over a year ago thinking I was in pure hell. I knelt on my knees by my bed and asked God to please help me find answers. I had been in Alanon for over a year at that point but I wasn't feeling any relief within my own home. I felt good while I was at meetings and when I talked to my sweet Alanon friends. It just wasn't translating into my daily life in my own home. I sat down and searched Alanon in Yahoo and clicked on the first search reply that came up. I instantly felt loved and accepted in the rooms of MIP. When I posted on the board I found nothing but loving replies and guidance. Even if you didn't know what to say... a hug was always at the ready. That is how I always wanted to be. Here you have all helped me realize that the only thing that was every holding me back was myself. I didn't create my problems directly... I didn't help them by focusing on how bad they were though. With loving guidance and spiritual growth I have found a way out of my perceived hell.
The only "hell" there is exists in my imagination when I get lost in old conditioning and focus on what I don't have, what I don't want, what I can't do. Limiting myself has never made me feel good. Here I learn to spread my wings and reach out for all that is possible. Today I have a faith that all is well. All IS well, and that I can find gratitude in the deepest, darkest moments. I don't need to have darkness to see the light. I can merely flip on the switch of recognition that I choose gratitude over self-limiting feelings. I let those waves of negativity up and out of me and bless them for having brought me clarity. Most often it is a clarity on what will bring me greater joy. When I feel darkness I know 24 hours a day I have many options to find that light.
I know I am being a little ramblin bunny this morning. Just filled with gratitude at the difference one little year can make. I look forward to watching y'all grow as I grow in my recovery. First I found myself... then I found y'all. Thank you for loving me ALWAYS.
I too have trouble making it translate into my daily life. I too have self limiting feelings that I have learned over the years in my dysfunctional home. I loved the analogy of flipping the switch and letting those feelings go. I so needed to hear that today.
I am stuck there. In the negativity. Can't seem to get past it. I don't know where my life will go and things seem to change by the day. The peaks and valleys of my own emotions are not letting me focus on any path...Any suggestions?
c
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
