The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to say thank you to EVERYONE here at MIP. Your responses to my crisis was wonderful and truly did help me. My AH showed up sometime yesterday while I was at work. When my 13 year old son got home, he was asleep in the den. By the time I got home w/my 4 year old daughter, he had showered & moved to the bedroom. At bedtime, when my daughter & I were trying to get settled in, he moved back downstairs. We didn't talk. In fact all he said was that he was going downstairs so our daughter could sleep w/me. She started sleeping w/me again while he was gone....I guess she was feeling insecure. But even though he was home last night, she still wanted to sleep w/me.
I didn't say a word to him last night. I didn't want to fight w/him so soon after a binge. So when I got home from work, I walked on my treadmill for 40 minutes (that is about as long as my daughter will give me) and then we showered up and ate dinner. The kids and I relaxed & watched some tv together & then went to bed.
This morning, he stayed asleep on the couch as I left for work. He woke up long enough to tell the kids bye and that he loves them and that was it. I can't even look at him. Much less talk to him. I know what I need to do. I need to tell him it is over. But I am a chicken. I feel like I will be turning my back on him. Even though he makes me so mad and I am utterly miserable living like this, I am scared to finally cross that line. Yes our house has a contract on it and we will be moving (though I don't know where yet) mid-January. It feels almost like turning away from a stray dog. You look at that mangy mutt that has no home, no family, no future and think, "I can help that poor thing." But I can't. I know that. I just have to move on. Arrgg.
I took the credit card out of his wallet and he WON'T get it back. Not for anything. But I can't cancel it yet b/c I am using it. I have put over $10K on my cards for the last 8 months, living, eating, gas. And not a dime has gone on his credit. So for the next 2 months....I am using his credit vs mine.....I have the kids to think about...I am going to need to make sure I get my mortgage loan. And besides, if he is going to rack up $800 on his card for crack, I ought to be able to use it for food and gas, right?
Well, I will keep you posted. Thanks for being here for me. Time for me to go get my car fixed now. Thanks again. xxooxx
(((QOD))) Good going. My A/cokehead husband also ran up the credit cards. I've been there. I'm still paying for it since most of them were also in my name.
I HAD to turn my back on him and walk out the door. It took every bit of strength I could muster to do it... but I'm MUCH better for it now. I couldn't let him drag me down with him. It was very hard to uproot and unsettle my life, but I know in the long run... it was truly the right decision for me. I don't know where my A/CH is or what he's doing... and it's not my problem or my worry anymore.
Good that you took the credit card. Make sure that he doesn't have the CC number memorized. A bank will give a cash advance with just the number ...not the card. I know from experience. Also, make sure any bills with CC numbers get hidden away. The number is right on those too.
Keep up the good work... take care of you.
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Way to go! Get the credit card and get what you need. Can you transfer balances??? LOL! Keep moving forward. You know in your gut you cannot help him with this. He has to hit bottom and you have to protect your kids. Crack is a horrible drug...it takes them all the way down. Save yourself.
Crack is a horrible drug...it takes them all the way down. Save yourself.