The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...as i read everyone elses posts ive got tears streaming down my face as i feel so devastated that i am going thru this pain in my life. and i find it extremely unfair that we all seem SOOOO caring, yet is is just one sided as our A's seem to be plain selfish.
i have my good days when i feel really strong, but it doesnt take to much to make me cry when it comes to alcohol, and i am scared if i go to a meeting and hear other peoples stories from their mouths, that i am going to cry uncontrollably.
I dont want to embarrass myself.
im sure i wouldnt be the first to cry there, but i dont think i am ready to do it infront of people i dont know.
Please don't let that hold you back. I did it for many meetings in the beginning. Everyone understands...that is the beauty of it. Those tears are so freeing. Letting out that frustration with other members is very safe. You can get so much from it when you are face to face with people who can know the pain you are in.
I cried at the first meeting I went too....and the 2nd...and the 3rd.....
Dont let fear of being embarrassed keep you away. And you may not know those people at that first meeting, but they know so much about you already, because they have lived lives so similiar to yours and know your pain. They too went to that first meeting and had those fears....and more than a few of them cried too. And even though they dont know you yet, they will love you in a special way the moment you walk into the room.
After more than 2 and a half years I still cry sometimes at meetings. And it is more than just okay. No one judges me. No one tells me to stop crying. No one acts like it makes them uncomfortable. They just let me cry. It is quite a gift.
Don't let that fear keep you away. Remember we have all been there. If you cry, someone will comfort you; that's what it's all about. I have cried not only about my own sadness at the time, but the sadness of others. I took it all as a cathartic experience, and felt better afterward. Good luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I feel your pain, I could share a tear with you, It's a very hard and emotional thing to go to f2f, we ALL struggle with It.I was the BIGGEST scaredy cat I knew.(lol) LOOK AT ME NOW.
I can honestly say I have never cried at a meeting. But hey (Pride) is a horrible thing. But I will cry one day I know I will.
PLEASE trust us when we say, Just Do It. It's the best thing I have EVER done In my life.
For one thing, everyone does their time with the kleenex box. If anyone in that f2f meeting says they've never cried, they're lying.
For another, crying was the first way I was able to express emotion. My feelings had been anesthetized for so long that I had only tears to express my pain, my frustration, my guilt and fear. Honey, cry it out! Let it out! Shout it out! Don't let anyone in any meeting tell you "Be a man" or some nonsense like that--real men cry too.
Honey, the healing is in the feeling. Feel your feeelings. Honor them and free them. Let them go. Let them go and grow. You'll be just fine.
The first ftf I went to... I would sit and listen and always pass when it came my turn to share. I didn't know what to say, how to open up, etc. I was also listening to the others to see who had some recovery, who seemed "together", as I was on the hunt for a sponsor. There were 2 women there I had my eye on who had been in the program for quite some time and were leading serene lives.
One day, one of these women started sharing about her past. She spoke about how she had been. She cried. My jaw dropped to the floor. What she was sharing was about a woman I had never seen before, someone I would never have expected her to have been. I was so moved that when it came my turn to share, I did, and I thanked her for her share and told her how I saw her today. That opened the door to me for sharing about myself. She came up to me after the meeting and gave me a hug.
Never be afraid to show your tears.
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I think I have my own issues in relating in caring too much I want to fix it all. I want to make it all better for everyone and I don't include myself in the picture.
These days I am more and more aware that I want I need is reciprocal not a one way street which is what it is with the A. Whatever I do for him is never enough so why do anything.
If I mention anything couple related he will just go into his needs. He has no clue what it is to be a couple. And we have been a "couple" per se for 7 years. So why bother?
I give up. I stop trying to be a couple.
He's not capable of it. The only thing he can do is demand demand demand demand.
I think it is caring to be aware they are sick. The level of caring I have done for the A though is that of someone with no sense of self preservation and no ability to say no. Of course whne you are faced with a 6 feet 6 inch tantruming baby it is a bit difficult to say no.
At some point many of us do get to say no though and it is often after much much grief.
I've never been to an alanon meeting that didn't have boxes of tissues all over the place. Everybody cries, and nobody judges.
It is tremendously freeing to share your feelings, and tell your story, truthfully, face to face with other human beings. Just saying those things, some of which I had never told anybody, took away so much of their power over me. In some ways it is easier that they are strangers - nothing you can say will hurt them. You can tell the truth, and there are no repercussions. They just listen, and it helps take the pain away.
