The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Look I will never love anyone like I love you, but as you said this is it, I just can't deal with what will come form now on. So I would like to arrange a time and place to see my kids for the last time. I am taking my check and going to mexico or Canada. I do not have the ability to see you with someone else or to see someone else being called dady by my kids.You are the only one for me and I know that so... if I can't be with you then I will just live my life alone. I wish I was strong enough to just be a week end dad and be there for you when you need me, But I am not.You are a special lady that is in titled to more then I guess I can ever give. I know when I am with you and the kids I am cool for a while, but I just cant seem to get right. I think I need more then a god dam 28 day program but that is just what they give you now. I need 6 months. I just got cited for shop lifting and will get probation as I understand it
I do not think you understand how much I love you, I just never can find the right words when we are together. I think you know I have had other girl friends in the past. Great girls, beutiful girls that have allot going for them But nothing has ever comared in my heart to you. It is like since we have been apart I have the opertunity to go out with other ladies, but because I LOVE you and do not want to be with anyone else I said NO. Even Damiens girl friend wants to go out with me and I just shine her on, and she has said that you hit on him when you was doing all that house hunting. I know you will just say you didn't so do not try and get at her to ask. If you file papers and go to court I might need to use her. Do not screw that up for me.I am going to have to start doing what ever I have to do since it is over with us. You are a lier and , have been trying to find someone else for a while. I have no problem being alone but I guess you can't. Out of respect you should at least wait a year to start seeing other people in our situation. You are a BITCH!!!!
and my response:
You're like a black hole. I keep being nice and giving and giving and giving and you just suck it all up and it disappears into nothingness inside you. You can't seem to really see yourself at all. It makes me so sad that you have become this monster that I have to be afraid of rather than the wonderful guy I loved so much. The sicknes just radiates from you in the things you say and do and it makes me cry for what was but obviously will never be again. You can't see past the end of your own nose and I guess I shouldn't expect any more from you because that is all you are able to offer anymore. I made up a separation agreement today, I wasn't going to file for divorce but it seems like this is pretty hopeless.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I think its impossible to talk back to the disease. Maybe it might be better if you just came here and let it all out rather than talk to him. I try not to talk to the A much he is so full of his disease, manipulation, lies and so out of it. There is not much to say anymore why bother with the lies and threats.
I think it is also very very very hard to get to the point of wanting out. I know its been hard for me. Out feels like such failure.
Oh sweetie... now I'm crying too. I've heard words so similar to those. The disease talking... so mean... so desperate. My A was also convinced that I must have been seeing someone else. As if I couldn't just want to be happy on my own. Ugh. Sounds like he's just grasping and looking for words to hurt you. You're a great person and don't need to put up with this, and like Maresie said, try not to talk back to the disease. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was just there not so long ago. Things WILL get better for you and your children.
You know where to find me if you need to talk some more...
Artygirl.
P.S. Maybe you can find out where he is and have those protection order papers served!!!
-- Edited by artygirl at 18:42, 2006-11-15
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I'm sorry you are going through this. My A does the same type of thing, all "I love you's & can't live without you's" to me, then saves the nasty parts to tell his family and friends. The whole thing can be confusing and hurt so much. Try to keep the focus on you and make your own happiness.
A big hug to you...I'm so sorry. It is so terrible and horrible and yet we are so powerless over this disease. Know we love you and are here for you always. You don't have to go through this alone.
I think I have read this a time or two in my experience. The first couple of times I got a letter like this, I was crushed and beside myself. With each one, the letters became even more silly to me.
You and your children will get through this! You guys are going to be okay!!!! No matter what happens to him, you guys will be okay. I had to get myself healthy and then work on getting my kids healthy, and little by little I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Wow what a guy. What a guy. I hope you can see in those first few sentences how he openly says that he's not willing to be accountable--he's willing to skip borders to avoid being a father, and oh well, however it affects the kids whatever. Give this to your lawyer--if he does indeed decide to go on an "outing" this is evidence of premeditation.
I hope the damage to your house wasn't too bad, and that the photos speak for themselves. And as for using "Damien's Girl Friend" as a "character witness," I'm loathe to say it, she'll provide little cover for a character outside of the one he showed inside the bedroom.
I think I have read this a time or two in my experience. The first couple of times I got a letter like this, I was crushed and beside myself. With each one, the letters became even more silly to me.
I hope you can see in those first few sentences how he openly says that he's not willing to be accountable--he's willing to skip borders to avoid being a father, and oh well, however it affects the kids whatever. Give this to your lawyer--if he does indeed decide to go on an "outing" this is evidence of premeditation.