The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Probably one of the most profound things I have learned from this program is to let go of expectations.
This Thanksgiving I have decided to go out of town to my younger son's and dil's. I usually go to my sister's house with the rest of my family. My son and dil cannot make it this year so we decided to go there so they won't be alone.
My A son was invited to go but declined and told my mother and my sister that he would still come there for dinner. Well...if I remember correctly...the night before Thanksgiving is a big party and bar hang out night. I guess it is because it is the start of a long holiday weekend.
I was speaking on the phone to my mom the other day and she said "I hope ______ does come for dinner on Thanksgiving." I was so proud of myself when I replied very calmly to her..."If he doesn't...I do not want any calls from anyone about him not showing up and that everyone is worried." She said that they would not do that.
I am so happy that I am able to let it go odat and that I am not feeling guilt for going away. He has a place to go for dinner if he chooses to do so. If he chooses not to...it is his loss. I am also happy that I can say things like I did to my mom and not have to be worried about him not showing up and making excuses for him anymore. He is an A and we cannot expect anything from an A.
Hopefully, I can relax on Thanksgiving and enjoy my other son and his wife on this holiday.
Gailey, you deserve a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope sincerely that it will be just that. Perhaps your son will really surprise you and come to dinner. You never know. We are leaving town also and our son will be alone, taking care of our pet and his ex's pet. She is taking the baby away for a whole week. I have been upset about that but my son says it is OK. He will be fine. I pray so. Being alone is problematic for anyone on a holiday. Anyway, good for you and enjoy.
For me, expectaions need to be within the rhelm of realty. As it was explained to me: speeding on an interstate will get me a speeding ticket. An alchoilc in active disease will drink. Babies will cry when hungry.
If my expecations are realistic, then my serenity is garenteed.
