The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been meaning to post for awhile. I'm still trying to attend 3 -4 alanon meetings a week. My epidural steroid in Sept. didn't help so have been referred to a neurosurgeon for the discs in my neck. In October I had only a few days migraine free and was in some docs or another office every week. I keep working hard on my step work and having some very strong emotions right now - fears, anxieties, panic, anger, etc. Anger from the past, Fears for the future. Sis has to have surgery in dec. Dad has to have brain scan. Issues with daughter etc. Toxic mom - kidney infection. Today I know I am powerless over all this - people places things - emotions - so I turn to my higher power who is capable of handling these things, because I can't.
I am grateful for this program and you're support on this site. It is hard for me to get to the computer sometimes and then limited time to sit here. I am grateful every single time I can physically get my body to a ftf meeting. I am grateful for the steps, for the books, my sponsor. Because of the program and learning to take better care of myself, I have been able to ask for and accept help. I am grateful for my alanon friends who are ike HP with skin on. I am grateful for HP and I know that I can't go back and rewrite the past, but I can start from today and write a brand new end. I am breathing in that "the present is the present you get when you stay in the present".
Funny thing how my mind works, got asked for a drink recently and panicked, because I associate the word drink with alcohol. HeH - I don't know what I reponded with or stammered out, poor guy. My friends said, did you know drink could be coffee? Hmmm - don't drink coffee - well water - ok - you get the point. So I was willing to have coffee and friends said - you don't have to marry him.:)
So today, I will try with HP's help to banish the what if's, make that gratitude list and take care of myself. It is all sinking in slowly - progress. I have so much to be grateful for, I will listen and surrender to HP's will.
Thanks for reading my post,
Trees don't sit around and worry about forest fires.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much honey.I'm glad to see you're working a program though, and definately glad that you're keeping prospective. Please know that we love you, and think of you.
AWE Shucks you guys - thanks for your sweet comments, positive thoughts & prayers. I can feel your support from reading the replies. I just love each and everyone of ya. I hope to get here soon for meetings & or chats, but know I am also thinking of ya'll and miss the fish nights especially. Friday is our step/tradition meeting, but there are no fish there. Keep the pond warm though... I've learned so much from ya and try to implement it. (The tree quote is in the CTC July 8). Ok - gotta try to lay on the heat again. Hope to catch up with ya'll soon again.
Funny how things work, you came to mind yesterday and here you are posting. I'm so glad you are still getting out. You sound so strong.... keep on keeping on! Still have you in my prayers.
I am soooooooooo sorry, but way to go to get to meetings etc.
U (((((bigBiGhUg)))))