The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since I asked my A to leave, he has bounced from place to place just waiting for me to (once again) change my mind and give him another chance. But I know he has to feel pain to get better, and my house isn't painful enough. It's warm and happy, with dogs and kids,a roaring fireplace, a good cook, clean laundry and no responsibilities. Saturday night, "we" were invited to a cancer benefit and I gave in and went with him. At first, I was cold and distant. But as the evening progressed I thought "why should I not have fun?"..so I let loose and danced and laughed with him. So happy, so carefree! But as the alcohol flowed, the demon came to life. He started to accuse me of paying attention to other men...blah blah blah...and I'm sure the rest of you know the routine.
Happily, though, I drove, and dropped him off at his truck. Not even looking back. He continued his evening until the next morning drinking and I'm sure other bad habits. The next day, he just needed to see me soooo bad. He showed up at my house and was repulsive to me. I am thankful to my HP that the evening didn't go well. I did have enough fun to say I'm glad I went, but I'm also glad I made the right decision about my A.
It's brutally sad to watch someone you love more than words destruct right in front of you. He left his cell-phone at my house and and normal person would be rushing to get it. But he has all he needs right at that bar. His booze, his drugs, and his fellow drunks/addicts.
I thought my kids would be sad when he left. He wasn't their dad but he had a big heart and loved to play with them. But at 10 and 12 they see more than we think and they seem very relaxed around here now. They actually seem to worry when he calls, and they question why. Makes me wonder how happy they really were while he lived with us.
I'm listening to God. I know he will lead me down a better path.
Kids are amazing, aren't they? They pick up on so much. They are probably more relaxed because you are. I have 3 little ones and try hard to keep myself calm and patient for them as well as myself. My A is currently in recovery, but he has days that are very trying for me.
I am glad you were able to have fun at the benefit. You deserved it
Glad to see you're doing okay. I'm struggling with a very similar situation at the moment to yours. I know, as you quite rightly say that it is just too confortable for him at my house. I can't get him to leave though! So, I admire your progress on this one.
And you're so right in saying that the children pick up more than we realise. I am from an Afamily, and I know how that works.
You're doing so well, keep strong and keep on getting out and enjoying yourself.
When I was a child, I watch my brother (the A and drug user) destroy my parents. The only thing I wished, prayed and hoped for was for my parents to throw him out - so the pain I continually saw on my parents faces would go away, and that we could have peace and laughter in my house.
I never saw that day. I'm glad your children have peace and happiness with you.
