handling resentment - Al-Anon Family Group

omajoy · Veteran Member

handling resentment

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

You have every right to feel a bit of resentment. We cannot turn off these feelings just because we think we ought to be in better control. Displaying our human emotions is not a cause for guilty feelings. I am amazed when I hear someone say that we need to move to disallow or overcome that which is truly normal human behavior, even though some of our emotions are counterproductive. We usually get them straightened out. I totally understand your plight; grandchild's welfare is of paramount importance, and sometimes you feel you are the only person who thinks so. Allow your feelings of resentment to run their course. They will. And please take comfort in the fact that this sweet baby has Grandma. So many do not have anyone to love them. I do not mean to insinuate that the parents do not love this child, only that there are so many who have no one. Now smile, and know you are doing the right thing!!! Good for you!!!

I am aware that you already know all these things. I thought I might repeat them to give you a much-needed boost.

With all best wishes, Diva

-- Edited by Diva at 12:26, 2006-11-11

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I find some of my biggest rage is at those who blur the boundaries.

I also think that some people do it compulsively.

The A and his family are one of them.

So I would suggest start small with the limits.

Is there other things you do for the A that don't include this child

If so stop them. Set limits, see how you feel, watch what happens.

Practice.

I think it takes a great deal of practice limit setting.

I am better at them than I was.

I brainstorm a lot in here. That helps. I also set a lot of limits with myself.

I cut out a lot of friends who were judging me.

I cut out a lot of activities that were not that productive for me.

This child is not going to be young for ever. I appreciate it is a tremendous burden for you.

I also appreciate you are there for this kid. I know the kid in time wil too.

I don't think age has any thing much to do with dysfunction. I think it goes acrross the board.

The A I live with is 46 I am sure he behaves the same way now he did at 26 he learned nothing.

Mareise.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

(((omajoy)))

My mind went about 5 different ways while reading your post. What kind of Mother leaves their sick baby? Perhaps one that trusts you completely.
On the other hand...Do you have any boundaries when it comes to the baby?
Like the word "no" ??

I will always say YES to whatever I am needed to do. I cannot turn my back on this child.
Saying NO to your DIL is not turning your back on the baby. It is giving yourself some free time and allowing the parents to be responsible. I don't think the baby would suffer if your DIL couldn't go to her weekend get away.

I understand your resentment, but the word "no" would stop much of it. You need a break too. You can't control what they do, but you can control your part in it.

Take care and take a break :)
Christy

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