The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Only polite conversation going on in my house since my AH returned home from vacation. He obviously sees no need to apologize for his behaviour the night before he left. I on the other hand am hurting and refusing to act as if nothing happened. I need to remember so that I don't get sucked into the fantasy. If he can't even muster up a small token of loving concern then the husband I thought I knew is AOL. I don't think I am being stubborn or unrealistic. I think I am finally taking a stand and setting limits. I don't want to excuse his behaviour because of his sickness. I am not sure if this is working the program but for now it feels right. I might be beating my head against a wall but atleast I am in control and not him. Does this make sense to anyone?
PS
This site is a life saver. I learn from all your posts and hope someday to help others( if I ever figure out this program)
I am right behind you in understanding this program, don't worry. It takes time and patience. As for the "polite conversation", I know exactly what you are talking about. We have a lot of that going on in our house now also. He knows he has screwed up majorly (Third DUI couple of weeks ago), I am paying for a lot of things - he is behind on all of his bills and now has all of this legal stuff going on. I was really mad about it - now just quiet. There is nothing to talk about anymore. I am through begging, crying, blaming, raging. He doesn't know how to act. It is very awkward, isn't it?
I think after being used to your husband being your best friend and having fun together and then they digress in this disease it is really really tough to not take their behavior personally. Someone told me that at a meeting once, it is NOT personal. He doesn't mean to hurt you, really.
I would suggest going to some face to face meetings - getting out and talking to other Alanons or close friends, doing things for you. As hard as it is (I had to force myself) - you will begin to begin worrying about you and let him deal with his own issues. When and if he decides to get help, he will have to do it for himself. As you recover, you will realize there isn't anything you can do to push this along.
Here is to you and hoping that you and your AH both heal and begin this journey, the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew is a very very helpful book. I really read it over and over. You can buy it used through Amazon. It was written in 1974 but still has very very helpful advice.
I pray that you find the love and peace you deserve, and YES you will be able to help someone - stick around. Actually you already are helping by posting your feelings. Someone else may be going through the exact thing today, and the point in being here is to support each other and know that we are not alone!!!
