The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok, here's the whole situation. The kids are 12/7/4. The AH has a home with no power or running water (no toilet use). My point was... I feel the need to stay home so that he can be with them rather than making my own plans. He is not taking the kids anywhere. He is not even able to be contacted at this point because he is off on a runner. The courts will not have visitation set up by the holidays I can guarantee that. He will be angry that we are not there for HIM on the holidays. I have been concerned about that. Does that clarify? It's not like we are dealing with a normal rational situation here just wanted to clear that up!
In my own experience, and this is in my own only. Too bad for my A. The only one it seems to hurt was the A in my life. If he took a look around and realized what he was missing and the steps he needed to correct it....(water, electric) maybe one holiday without the kids wouldn't be all that bad. I will not pass up opportunities for my children or myself because he can not get it together.
We have a life too and he isn't running or ruining it anymore. My house is not a common ground either. Divorced means divorced to me. I know that sounds harsh...but, it what I had to do get MY life back.
I understood the gist the first time. And I agree with Ziggy. He got himself into this mess. It's on him to really absorb the full impact of his decision. It's on him to really take in how much he's destroyed his life. Maybe having to dig a hole to poop in will give him the idea about what it's like to lose it all.
Well to me Xmas is for kids ,everyone else comes second. If you have family in the area where u can all go and have a great day , do it. You mentioned a court order so I assume he cannot see the kids alone and if he is still using that makes perfect sence to me. If you are able to have contact with him if you choose , whats wrong with 2 xmas dinners u could do a supper with him before xmas day and go with your family on the big day.
If you cannot see him because of restraing order , problem solved and I agree he is the reason he is in this predicement it's not your job to make it easy for him . Compassion yes but not at the expence of yourself or your children . Xmas is special . and so are you and those kids . (hugs)
