The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Trying to move forward, WAS trying to focus on me after AH's third DUI last weekend. Well, I slipped and what did I do, looked at the cell phone bill again. I was deliberately not looking at it because AH had been talking to someone this year when we separated and thought they were done talking. Well, they are NOT done talking, and I am chaotic again. I confronted him (he's been sober 10 days so it was a peaceful confrontation) and he says they are done for sure this time. I am just devastated, and told him I feel so used and stupid. Here I am just hanging on hoping and praying he gets better, worried about him dying of alcoholism or killing someone driving drunk for gods sakes, and he is talking to this girl ALL the time.
I am just sick to my stomach. I know that it is the disease, that she drinks also, and that he doesn't think he is good enough for me....but the LYING and betrayal is killing me today. I could deal with a one night stand probably, but what are they talking about?
I don't know what to do, so I will pray for him and for her, and for me.
Oh Heidi I am so sad for you. I hate this stuff. Forgive yourself, you wanted to know. In a way I don't blame you. I know it is better to let go and let god. However these days it is very dangerous, and maybe ignorant of us, to not protect ourselves.
If I thought my A was having an affair and we lived together, I would want to know if he was cheating. Just the fact he was talking to another woman, would be enough for me.
For me if there is a marriage, each spouse does not talk to other men or women as "friends." NO way. It is asking for trouble. That is how things start that you will be sorry for.
Anyway forgive yourself for snooping.
Heidi, cheating or talking to her on the phone has nothing to do with aism. It is not a symptom of it.
It is him doing it. There is no excuse for this concious choice to do so, knowing it hurts you!
I hope you can really look at Heidi, think about her, what does she want, what can you do for her? Right now she is hurting, how can you make her feel better. Take some tiny little steps and pamper YOU.
I am with Debilyn....Realize though this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him not feeling good about himself. Anytime you turn away from your partner for support it hurts the relationship. So you looked at the phone bill. It is ok. You had a gut feeling and you were right. Now you can quit thinking about what they were talking about and turn the attention on what you can control. Your own recovery.
My sympathy. It is that old adage of if their lips are moving then they are lying. My AHsober gives me the same song and dance. A couple of days ago, I did a doubletake because I swear he said one thing and then said the exact opposite. It seems like they always have a back-up plan for themselves not us. Take care of yourself. Like Debilyn says, don't you just hate it? We can't do anything but try very hard not to go on the rollercoaster ride with them.
Hate to hear of that painful experience - as for not knowing what to do, remember you don't have to decide everything today - You can say "Just for today, I decide not to decide" spend time in prayer and meditation on what your HP leads you to do for your life.
Treat yourself to some special, tender care - you deserve that pampering!!
Will keep you in my thoughts & prayers,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
