The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Months ago before taking care of mom, I gave my work # to one on my husbands buddies. He called me at work and wanted my email and other phone #'s. I gave him my email. We exchange pretty explict emails for a couple months and then not for a while, then a bit more. He is always wanting to meet me somewhere. I just couldn't bring myself to do that. I knew even the emails were wrong and my justifacation for it doesn't make it right. I was lonely, my A never told me that he thought I was sexy or pretty. I liked hearing it from someone else.
Today the guy's wife found his emails and called my A. He has proceeded to withdraw all the money from the bank account, told me I have been sleeping around on him. I told him exactly what I had done, made no excuses, and actually found some relief in knowing there is no secret now. I told him I have never met this guy anywhere, I have never slept with him, never so much as touched him.
Things have been going to well at home. I think of all the things that my A has done. How hurt I have been. How neglected and worthless I have felt. I still can't justify my own actions. I have hurt him so badly. I don't think this one will be fixed.
Please say a prayer that will help comfort my A during his pain.
Please forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and make choices we wish we would not have. From what I understand is we pray and ask for forgiveness and never have to think about it again. Learn from it and move on.
I mean to me, you were starving, he came to you and gave you what you craved. You were very vulinerable. I tell ya, I struggle all the time against being so lonely and untouched. If a man I liked came on to me, I would have to pray and run. I am serious.
I am sorry your A hurts. However it would be nice if he took part of the responsibilty as he is your husband and he is the one who you really want the attention from. And it is him that we would hope would give it to you.
Anyway I don't find what you did awful at all. Just like an A not to think he/she had any part of it. Can't seem to take responsibility for anything.
I could run out of gas after the A had the truck all day before and it would be my fault.
That was an emotional burden on you, and could be a blessing that it is out in the open.
I often think the worst part of my AW's disease/and mine to for that matter is guilt. I pray that HP will help you work through that and that you will forgive each other. My AW wife had a horrible affair. Much much more than trading emails. We lived through it. Others have to, so be gentle with yourself.
Prayers are on the way.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Since we are owning our mistakes....I too have been exchanging flirty emails/Instant Messages with a friend.
I love my husband and cannot imagine my life without him in it. But when he is withdrawn for days and weeks at a time, I feel very empty and lonely.
A friend of mine who thank god lives over a thousand miles away, happens to be recently divorced, absolutely handsome with an awesome 6 pack, beautiful dark brown eyes and a smile that melts my heart AND he's a Marine happens to appear outta nowhere with all of these nice compliments. Who wouldn't want to listen! Of course I know that doesn't make it right....(Barbara Mandrell's song "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right" was on the radio today! LOL)
I wish my husband wasn't so withdrawn, I crave his closeness mentally and physically. But he can't seem to overcome his own issues. So I find myself more open to the compliments and suggestions of others. Give's me the high I crave.
So, God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference....Lots of Wisdom needed here!!!!
Just know you are not alone....I forgave my husband's affair....and hopefully they can forgive our mistakes too.
I am so sorry for the pain you and your husband are going through. You do need to be gentle with yourself!! Forgive yourself and then try to be understanding of your husband. I am sure it won't be "pretty" for a while. But as rtexas stated many have gone through this type of thing and many have survived. Unfortunately this is going to be great "ammunition" for your a to use whenever he wants to make you feel guilty and bad about yourself. Don't listen to that!!! You are a GREAT person who made a mistake!!! You apologized and you love your husband. You are loved by many here--take care of yourself and just keep moving forward!
happens to appear outta nowhere with all of these nice compliments. Who wouldn't want to listen! Of course I know that doesn't make it right....(Barbara Mandrell's song "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right" was on the radio today! LOL)
