"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

shauna27 · Member

AA and active drinking

Phil · Veteran Member

experience...

When I first started going to meetings...I drank...and was never asked to leave...

We still allow people that are under the influence to come into meetings...as long as they arent beligerent.etc...

I first went to AA to get people of my back....and not really for me...

There were also periods when I drank...that the last people I wished to see...were those goody goody people in AA...

I also thought that I was a lot smarter, than these religious fanatics.(or...what I thought were religious fanatics)...and Ile run my own show...and do things my way....

The other thought that went through the alcohol insane mind was....I could not fathom the thought of how people lived without booze..must be really boring eh...

I also tried controlled drinking and going to AA at the same time...that didnt work either...

Dry drunks were numerous....

When the bottom fell out of Phils little imaginary world...I accepted that I had to abstain from alcohol..and go to meetings on a daily basis..

And I thought that...thats all there was to it...DOH!!

All I really was was a sober A..hole

Played games with myself and others for a long time....

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

My experience is consistent with Phil's....

My A-wife used to go to AA meetings, and was only asked "not to chair" a meeting one time, cuz she was visibly intoxicated.

In my opinion, your hubby is using the "respect" thing as an excuse to not go to meetings, and to not work on his recovery.

"He's either gonna drink or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Work and focus on you....

Take care,

Tom

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Shauna , the choice to go to meeting is his , out of respect is just an excuse on his part but thats ok thats his problem . We had this discussion not too long ago at a open meeting of AA and Al-Anon , I always got upset when someone came in drinking to this meeting til someone pointed out to me AA's view on the topic . It says that the * ONLY REQUIREMENT FOR MEMBERSHIP IS THAT THIER BE A DESIRE TO QUIT DRINKING " that gave it a whole new perspective for me.

As long as they keep turning up they obviously are looking for help . Louise

kabbie · Veteran Member

my daughter was telling me that someone showed up at one of her aa meetings after drinking the other day - she's new to aa and was really affected by it. she said it gave her hope and knowledge that no matter what happened in her recovery, with relapse etc, aa would be there for her. she thanked the person for coming..kabbie

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

We don't throw people out of AA meetings even if they're drunk. People may not take telephone calls from people that are drunk, simply because there's no way to really "communicate" with a drunk when they're drunk.

I think your husband is making excuses, dear.

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

barisax · Senior Member

shauna27 wrote:

Will they allow him at a meeting if he's been drinking?

In my experience the answer is almost always yes.

I have certainly been in my share of meetings where someone showed up drunk, sometimes obviously so, sometimes not. Even if they are mildly disruptive they are usually tolerated but this is going to depend on the group and the people in it, and possible house rules for the venue. Some clubhouses want 12, or 24 hours clean & sober before entering. Good thing that wasn't enforced - I went to my first meeting about 19, 20 hours after my last drink. Not drunk but hung over.

As to the other side of it, a person deciding to go or not go to meetings if they have been drinking, that's a different matter. My experience has been that under the influence, anything heard goes in one ear and out the other. Even rattling, shaking, hung over 12 hours since a drink, is more likely to pick up something of value than fully loaded.

Anyway, there's really no global AA rule about this. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. How individual groups and meeting centers want to handle wet drunks is up to them, and sometimes case by case. In many instances, one or two people will go outside with the drunk and talk separately from the meeting itself. It's all just taking it like it comes.

I have never experienced a relapse. I do not know how I would handle it, nor what would happen to me if I took a drink. That's why I don't do it

But it's not the peer pressure that keeps me sober either. Yeah, it would be tough to come back and face my friends after a relapse. But what I'm much more afraid of is never coming back.

Barisax

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"