The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
These really early mornings are difficult - dark, sleepy, not truly rested I've never been a morning person and since "this" started mornings are even harder.
But this morning I ironed fabric and cut pieces for a quilt I have planned, been quite a while since I've tried to be creative, had music on. It helps my mood.
My hands were busy but the mind kept churning away. Last night I had a long talk with God and what I sincerely prayed for was my health back. Usually I try to be thankful for all I have, ask for blessing on all those I love and care about and ask for guidance, but last night I was begging for help. My health and thyroid crashed back in June forcing me out of the river of denial I had been swimming in. My mind and spirit had to get the attention of my body so I would face the issue and deal with it.
My H is in major mid-life crisis and doesn't deal with it by drinking too much and hanging out in sleazy bars (you know lap dances, womanizing etc) and avoiding talking about emotions.
Anyway, I've been trying to deal with it all through counseling, accupunture, medical Doc and of course Al-anon. I have a teenage daughter to help through this also.
But this morning it dawned on me - my life will never be the same! No matter how healthy I get, if H get his act together or not, if we stay together or not, I will never be the same. I liked my life before and I miss it. I have grieved for my lost marriage but until today my thoughts never made that next step - that time of my life is over............................
Don't know what to say after that but I just had to send the thought out there. I try not to think too far into the future - about one day at a time - but the worry about the future sneaks in and I could use some positive feedback.
Welcome to MIP. Grieving is tough. As you said, even if things work out, letting go of a dream still requires grieving. You have a lot of hope in your post though because you say you'll get to a meeting.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
Keep coming
Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I can hear the sadness in your post. It is so true...life will never be the same for any of us. I have lost the daughter-in-law...the mother to my grandchildren...the wife to my A son...the family structure that I wanted. I had no control over it. As hard as I tried it just wasn't mine to fix. Oh yes...I still have the relationship with my 2 beautiful granddaughters but it is not the relationship I wanted. They will now have a new family...another grandmother...another father...new siblings. I am so afraid that I will become an outsider. Maybe as their A father gets further down into his disease and they get older they will want to avoid much contact with him and his family. So...yes...nothing will ever be the same again but we have each other and our HP to help us through this. I have started to realize that as much as I love my girls and as much as I want a relationship with them...I cannot let that be all that I focus on.
I am praying for you to be able to accept things as I have been trying so hard to do.
Believe it or not, you are doing exactly what you are suppose to be doing. Grieving for what was, and moving ahead. You're healing. That's a good thing.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I hear you. I have been grieving for the way it was for two years. The hugs, the help, the kids close by, and saying "I love you". Trust your HP. For me when there is a change it is always, always, for the better.
