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Hello...I had one the worst nights of my life last night...I was cleaning and cooking...I really love cooking and enjoy it so much..I was doing fine on my own...suddenly my A husband showed up with so much love and passion and was insisting to take me out (of course he had drinks before he comes home..) I said ok and got dressed...what a night, suddenly he used a very stupid subject to ruin the night...he was bringing up subjects from the past...insulting me, my family and my little sister...calling her b...and so on...he said he wants to get divorced...he was totally mad...all I did is ran away to the bathroom of the restaurant to pull myself together...I was all in tears ...saying the serenity prayer over and over again...I clearly felt that god is hugging me...I asked for his help and asked him to watch me and don't leave me alone...we got home...he kept shouting and shouting in the car...and was saying that he is not coming home and wants to go to his parents... I was sure he wouldn't do that...so in the end he came home and slept...he is still sleeping now..
Pray for me...its hard to hear the insults about your loved ones specially the little sister that I adore...
How awful. I am very sorry he said those things to you. I bet it cut like a knife.
This disease sure does bring the devil out. Sounds as though you did right for yourself. With my first A, I have had to learn how to put up a sheild. I didn't figure this out when we were married and for a long time after we were divorce.
I get the call from him drunk, and he would do what he did best. Cut me down to size. I preyed on all my weakness, knew all of them. He would attack each and every one of them. It wasn't until much later, I realized he was really only trying to bring me down with whatever he had.
Now, when I deal with him....there is the sheild. His words will no longer cut me like a knife. At times I often find it humorous. This man had once made me feel so worthless and now he couldn't even get me to think any less of myself.
I had to forgive him through my steps. I had to pray he would get everything I would want for myself. I prayed for myself and to forgive myself. It must have worked. There is nothing he can say to me now that will get my feathers ruffled.
He contacted me a few months ago asking me how he could go about attending meetings. I sent him a list of meeting in his area. Whether or not he is sober now, attending them, I don't know. I do know, it has been a quiet few months and he hasn't felt the need to bother me that I am aware of.
You didn't cause it, I didn't cause it, you can't control it, I couldn't control it, you cannot cure it, I couldn't cure it......but we can control how we handle it. We make a choice to pick up the guilt or leave it where it sits.
Words cannot express how I truly relate to your story.
I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing right now. I too have had to deal with such things and I too felt the hurt and pain. None of us are perfect, not us, not our families. But we still love them.
Welcome to MIP! Through Alanon and this board and MIP room, I have been restored to the person God wanted me to be. I had to distance myself from those that chose to tear me and my self-esteem down. It's amazing that family thinks they are the ones that can treat you the worst. If anyone co-worker, stranger on the street ever treated me or said the rotten things to me, I never never would have listened or given them any credit as a human being.
Why is it that we listen to the ones that say "they love us most?"
Keep coming, there is hope, it does get better. Yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
My father did something similar the other night. I came home and he, initially said he was glad to see me. And then he lit into me about "Why are you..." "When are you..." "Why can't you..."
Finally I saw what the people were saying about "The diseased affected by a disease." I've seen my father sober. This ain't him.
Please come back. Please keep sharing. I undersatd how much hurt you must be in.
((New))))) don't know how long you've been in or around Alanon, but welcome. You came to the right place.
My AH, too, is a totally different man when he is drinking. Even his looks, language, and body language is totally different. He is not the man I love. But, the man I love is in there, somewhere. He can sure say some mean stuff, too. I don't believe that the truth is spoken by children and drunks. Not for a minute. The things he says when he is drunk is lies, all of it.
I used to hurt so badly from his words, they cut deep. I am slowly learning, from coming here, to detach and it is working for me. One day at a time.
I am so sorry for your awful night. Hope things get better soon, and they will if you are willing to work at it. Work on yourself. You cannot change him. Keep coming back. It does work if you work it. Come to chat. Come often. I lived on this board and in the chatroom for my first several months, when hubby was gone. He's home now, so I can't get on as much as I'd like, but it did save my life more than once.
You will find love and acceptance here. You will find a better way to live.
I'm really sorry too - a big hug to you. That must have really hurt and you are in my prayers. As the others have said, I too can relate and was once told hurting people hurt others. The disease is terrible and hurts not only them but us too. But we don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. Detach with love. I hope that you find comfort and relief today knowing you are not alone. Keep us posted. You are in my thoughts.
