The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my 9th step, I learned how to apologize. I learned how to voice exactly what it was I was apologizing for.
I was dishonest with you in the fact that I told you this……but, yet did this instead.
I was inconsiderate of your feelings in order to gain……for myself.
I was selfish in the fact that I did this….to get this.
I was fearful you would perceive me differently because of …this.
I learned that when I apologize, I am apologizing for my part and my part only. I am not justifying any of my past wrongs. I am not looking to have myself or my points validated. There are no points to be made. I am not looking for an apology from them.
For me if I apologize whole heartedly and honestly…..I have “cleaned my side of the street”. That is all am to worry about….my side and my side only.
I have learned that I need not apologize any further, but just once….otherwise my words become meaningless.
In step 10, I have learned to inventory myself daily. When I reflect my day,
Have I treated everyone as though they should be treated?
Have I been dishonest, insecure, fearful, or selfish?
Did I give my opinion or advice where I was not asked to do so?
With step 10, I realize right off I have violate my own self by not offering a much needed amend at the moment I have done something wrong where an amends would need to be made.
I make my amends and don’t try to validate where I am coming from. I make my amends and then I drop it. I don’t ask for forgiveness in others. I forgive myself. One of the ways I forgive myself is my practicing this in all my affairs.
For me, the amends weren't about apologizing. I apologize to the lady I bump in the grocery store. I apologize to the person who I dial on the phone that's the wrong number. I apologize to my adviser when I'm late. Any time I make a mistake, I apologize.
The amends to me were about humility. Getting down to the point where I realized that my actions, no matter what, were just wrong. I acted out of self, like you mentioned. There was no right or wrong. There was no thinking. It was all me. It was me out to protect and serve me. It was me out to take care of me. It was me out to make sure me was always first, last, now.
And, after making the direct amends, I realized I had allowed myself to get SO humble, SO down, that the freedom of an INFINATE god could flow through me. ONLY by allowing myself to get JUST THAT HUMBLE could the freedom of a god who is INFINATE in every form flow into my heart and allow myself to get JUST THAT HONEST.
Honest enough to look at me. Honest enough to take care of me. Honest enough to say no. Honest enough to set boundries. Honest enough to grow a spine. Honest enough to be honest with people who weren't comfortable with honest. Honest enough to be sincere in honest. And to be FREE in my honest. To be at PEACE in my honest.
