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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> sick to my stomach
Post Info TOPIC: sick to my stomach
maresie2


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sick to my stomach
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I am sick to my stomach the A is missing. He took off with the truck. No one has seen him or so they say.  He is upset over numerous issues. So am I.


In some ways I hate to say this I feel like he is dead already.  He doesn't care about anything or anyone or his actions.


He may have gone to stay with a friend of his.  I feel sick sick sick to my stomach.  I have had that feeling of impending doom for ever and more.


I also learned today that once again he has not been insuring the truck. I think he is just on a death wish with his crazy driving.  I feel like he just wants to die and is finding an easy way out. 


I know I am also sick sick sick to my stomach of dealing with this. The only thing I have going for me now that is different than a year ago is that I found work.  It will kill me to get to work without my truck, he does not care. 


I feel like he cares about nothing, nada, nothing except himself and his drug use.  There is ample ample ample evidence he uses.  He has no money ever.


He does not have a penny. At the same time he can be gone for 24 hours. I gave him money for gas he must have used it all up by now.


On one hand I want him to come back so I do not have to worry about my truck.  On another I hate him and I really just want him dead. I know that is awful to say but I feel like if he were gone my life would be easier. Of course I do not mean it I know I am just angry with him to a fault.  I am sick of the way he lives and forces me to live.


I have a choice out of it now and I hate the choices he foists on me. I also hate that I ever ever loved him.


Maresie.



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maresie
John


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(((((((((((Warm Hug))))))))))))


I just feel compelled to share a page I made a few years back...


Hope it brings something good to you.


http://www.12stepforums.net/Writings/writings2.html



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" And what did we gain?  A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."

(Al-Anon's Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions,Step 3. pg 21)

big-bigger-faith-fear-god-Favim.com-288081.jpg

 

 
Jennifer


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(((Maresie)))


I'm sorry you are frustrated and hurting right now.


Jennifer



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leo


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Deep breaths Maresie focus on what you can control at the moment.  LUv Leo xx

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Tiger2006


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 You can always call the police after 24 hours. You can always ask for professional help.

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hersh


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((((Maresie))))


SO so sorry you are going through this.  It is such a disaster in the middle of the tornado.  Breathe and try to focus on other things, though it is really hard.  You are so good to post about it. 


My prayers are with you - I know the physical sick feeling - it is so much pain and disappointment.  You're not alone.


Many prayers and hugs... that you will feel better and at peace soon...


Love, HeidiXXXXX



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rtexas


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((((Maresie))))


I have felt that way many times.  Just knowing in my gut that something bad is happening.  For me it was just my hysteria getting the best of me.  My 11 year old called me last weekend and asked I come pick him up.  He sounded out of sorts and was at his 21 yr old brothers house.  In the background I heard something that sounded like my AW screaching threats.  (That is not totally out of the ordinary, but not normally around the kids)


Of course every cell in my body was in total overdrive as I worked out how to handle the impending chaos I was about to walk into.  I was practicing my speach to have her calm down and go back to her place or I would call the police.  I was just beside myself.


When I got there, my little one answered the door with a smile and said let me get my stuff.  Apearantly what I heard was on TV.


Trusting that everyone has a HP, and it's not me was my lesson last weekend.  Predicting the future and paralizing myself over it is just not practical. 


I hope your day gets better, and know we are here for you!


Take care of you!



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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Jerry F


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Aloha Maresie!!


My business partner is missing also.  Hasn't answer my phone messages or tried to make contact.  Just dropped out of sight and we had some sizeable projects coming up of which they would have helped the business take off.  I learned to do my part and give them the opportunity to do theirs and turn the outcome over to HP.  Get over the confusion, awe, any resentment, judgment or negative attitude and then work on the answer to. "Okay what do I do now?"  Of course just a piece of that is leaving the solution and my decisions in the hands of HP and staying alert and open minded.  My important question is, "How do I want this to come out for me?" 


Someone is missing in your life and you're okay.  Concerned and okay.  Confused and okay. Alone and okay.  _____________ and okay.


(((((hugs)))))



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maresie2


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As I am looking to move forward with my life I will not have computer access in the same way. I will be having a hiatus for a while while I live in transition and then move into a place of my own.  I know I will be able to access some from work but not much.  I will miss this tremendously I know.  I will try to make time at work to reply to people's posts. For whatever reason and I blame no one at all I cannot get into chat.  Since I will not have that much time in the future when I have my own machine (the computer is the A's) I will find a way though.


I know I have internalized the love and strength I get here. I know also I would not be able to contemplate leaving the A without it.


Maresie.



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maresie
peewee


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((((Maresie)))))


Courage.


Your friend, Mspeewee



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Idealsummerluv


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Maresie,


Did you post an update yet?    I hope he is safe and sound.


I have fears of getting a phone call informing me one of my aunts is dead and/or my 18 year old nephew.   But I can't project and live in fear every day.    Let go and let God.


Idealsummerluv



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"Thorns have roses."
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