The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The attorney investigating my As child custody case just left... I answered his questions honestly and from the heart but so wanted to share more and kept my mouth shut when he said the A hasn't drank in 3 years besides the relapse in August (when I knew he had been drinking a weekend in April as well. ) I wanted to set the record straight and tell him the one other time the A drank but I didn't - I didn't correct him and I feel guilty for that.
I did answer his questions honestly and I can feel good about that. I did tell the attorney that I too am waiting to see if my A has really hit bottom this time and whether he accepts his powerlessness and begins a full recovery. I just don't like this whole mess. But its here. I've thought a lot about my feelings and emotions over the course of the last 24 hours and I'm just not convinced that my A has taken step 1 and continues to lie and cover up his recovery to get others to think he is doing the right thing and to win this case. I get so angry when I think about it. What is this all telling me? I don't want my life manipulated by his illness!
Courage to change the things I can. Thanks for letting me vent and get out my thoughts - it helps more than I can express.
Reguarding "the relapses:" If the question comes up, you can respond then. There is never a hole dug that someone will not find, fall into, or acknowledge "the digger responsible for."
But you did your part. You detached, you were honest, you said what you knew. Honey, you did great! Honest! I'm so proud of you! ((MASSIVE HUG!!!))
"I did tell the attorney that I too am waiting to see if my A has really hit bottom this time and whether he accepts his powerlessness and begins a full recovery."
May I say if I do not want the disease manipulating me, then I feel I need to let it all go. I don't wait, I don't think about whether he drank in April or August or anything. It is not my issue. I cannot control any of it, so why think about it?
Also it concerned me to see it written,"begins a full recovery." There is NO such thing as a full recovery for an A. They may stop using and follow a program of recovery for the rest of their life. But they never attain a full recovery.
It felt so good for me when i really let it go. I use the analogy I cannot stop a river, so why worry about it or wait for it to happen? I have no control over it.
Change is difficult and seems impossible and we get where we should with little steps one after the other. There is more coming so you get to practice more until it gets better and more in line with your values and your desires. Amends means change and you have made some change in your enabling of your alcoholic with the awareness that you have more amending to make. You don't need anyone's permission to make those amends and to stop participating in your enabling. "No" is a complete sentence! Say it as often as you find necessary.
Keep on working it. This too shall pass!