The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm just coming to terms with the fact that my husband is an alcoholic. He had a DUI four years ago, dealt with it (apparently), but drove home drunk last week. He admitted later that he's been drinking without my knowledge for quite some time. He went to AA and seems to be doing and saying the right things. I went to an alanon meeting last weekend and it helped me feel calmer, but I don't know if I want to do this; I'm not sure I'm up to staying married. All kinds of past issues and pain have resurfaced and have been colored by this new knowledge. Things make more sense, but I don't know if I really want to muster the energy to stay. I'm not sure why I'm posting or what it is I need... maybe just to say this out loud? Thank you for listening.
Here you will find experience, strength, and hope (es&h) to support you in your recovery from the affects of alcoholism.
Through working the program, you will find your own answers to whether or not to stay in your marriage.
The standard Al-Anon recommendation is to work the program and not make any major changes until you have attended the program for 6 months to a year. If there is violence, of course, that guideline does not apply--we encourage all members to take their safety into consideration first and foremost!
This program is to help YOU to find serenity and recovery whether or not the alcholic is drinking.
No-one can make that kind of decision on their own, Look at us as a support for you, until you feel you are ready to make a move.
Besides we're all REALLY COOL in here, if nothing else, you get to meet wonderful people, who will share with your their experiences, strength and hope. And It means you are NO longer alone in your Journey.
Hey you gotta try before you buy right.(lol)
We're here for you.
My Life would be in the gutter if it were NOT for my family here.
Glad you found us This is the best program there is, at least I think so. Sharing our stories, strenghths, and experiences provides so much support. You said you weren't sure why you were posting, that maybe it was just to say it out loud.....for me doing just that in alanon, with people who understood what I was going through, helped me just as much as the feedback I got from them after I had shared my thoughts. Just knowing we are not alone, that there are others going through the samethings starts the healing process. I hope you continue to come back. Alanon has helped me to find myself again, without them I know I would still be lost.
It takes a long time - and it's a very personal decision to stay in a marriage or to split up. We can offer you loads of support while you make the decision that is right for you and your situation.
I am new at this too and trying to find the new me...I have been to 7 meetings already and the more I go it makes more sense...I am also not very long married to the love of my life and I didnt know that he is an alcoholic...I was all in tears and anger the first 3 meetings and didnt know if I want to continue or get divorced... my father is a drug addict and I was seeing myself living my mother's life and still do...I still cant accept it as a disease...but at least when I pick up the phone to call him in the bar i know that I am doing something wrong eventhough I still do it and I hurt myself...I can see the older members...the way they are in control of their lives...i get so much love from them...and wish that I can also find my way...everytime I went to the meeting I felt better...never felt worse...we can not talk about some details with our best friends...however they are our bests but they can never understand and give wrong advises...I hope you find your way and I remember you inmy daily prayers...
There is one of our most cherished slogans, "One Day at a Time". You can break this down to whatever timeframe you need right now... that can be one day, one hour, or one minute. My sponsor used to remind me that "I don't need to focus on being married for the rest of my life - as that felt too overwhelming with all of the alcoholism, etc - but focus on the next X hours". In this way, we break things down into manageable chunks, until which time we are in a better headspace to make those tougher, longer term decisions.
Keep coming back!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Welcome to MIP!! Lots of good insight thus far to your post.
I'd like to add "Al-anon suggests you wait six months before making any major decisions" while in the meantime attending meetings and learning about this program.
It is a gentle process.
Welcome!!! Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you for your kind responses to me on a night when I was feeling very lost. I've gone to two face-to-face Al-Anon meetings, and I'm feeling like my life is manageable at the moment. My husband is currently talking the sober talk and walking the sober walk. I have no idea what the future will bring, but I'm trying not to make any big decisions for now. I am very, very focussed on doing what's best for my children and myself, however, and if things shift in another direction, in order to be okay I need to not live with my husband. That's hard to say out loud, but it's also a relief. It's like I'm giving myself permission to be okay and turning over his problem to him. In some ways I think it was a gift to be blindsided. Not a very enjoyable gift but a gift all the same.
This is a good place. Reading here has helped me hold onto an inner core of peace that I never even suspected I had.
This is the best program there is, at least I think so. Sharing our stories, strenghths, and experiences provides so much support. You said you weren't sure why you were posting, that maybe it was just to say it out loud.....for me doing just that in alanon, with people who understood what I was going through, helped me just as much as the feedback I got from them after I had shared my thoughts. Just knowing we are not alone, that there are others going through the samethings starts the healing process. I hope you continue to come back. Alanon has helped me to find myself again, without them I know I would still be lost.