One of the things that helped me with that feeling is the steps. As I worked the steps I was really working on me, healing me, getting to know me. And I started to fill those holes up. I started heal those wounds. That's another reason I'm really psyched you got a sponsor--because until I could fill those wounds myself, there was someone sent by god for me who knew exactly what to say to fill the wounds in my heart.

 In the mean time, it might be a good idea to see how you can get involved in your home group meeting--or any of your al anon meeting, for that matter. Making coffee, setting up the chairs, setting out the literature again filled the hole in my heart. Made me feel useful and loved, needed most importantly. Needed and wanted was something I hadn't felt at all in my family origin. And here I was in my al anon group, not  only wanted but definately needed. and it needs to be said that the people with recovery do the work for recovery--they do the steps, they read the literature, they do the fellowshiping, and they also do the set up for the meeting, after the meeting, et cetera. And if it seems as if there's all the positions filled, arrive early one day, and speak up. Share where you're at and someone in al anon recommended that you set down some roots by doing service. Maybe the best thing you can do is arrive early and greet new comers, introduce yourself. I mean, around here in my area, the job of greeter is very important. In others, not so much. *shrugs* There's a pamphlet called "when I got busy, I got better" and it talks exactly about this. You may want to check it out.

((((((((CG))))),

You go girl! I'm proud of you!

Live strong,

Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

I found I had two stages when going through my grieving process, post-divorce. Looking back I can see how it worked out. I first threw myself into a whole bunch of activities - counseling both individual and group... took some classes... joined some clubs. I did everything possible to avoid going home to that empty house in the evenings.

Yet, as I got better, I found different activities - and those I did initially remind me of what I was feeling then. It may have been theraputic to take an art class at the time, but now art classes remind me of getting divorced... ack!!

Suffice it to say, some of my activities early on were maybe a bit forced or contrived, and they kept me busy until I changed. And I found other things to do. The things I am involved in now, and love to do - I'm SO glad I didn't jump into them a week after the wife moved out.

I remember each time I stepped up and looked back, I would declare that my marriage and divorce were behind me. The feelings of one step ago were changing, the feelings of two steps ago were faded, the feelings of three steps ago, a distant memory. Yet, there were always more steps. And there are still more.

It was a year and a half before I felt the love of, and for, another human being again. I did not begin to feel I had a truly new life until 3 years had passed. And it ended up being 9 years before moving out of my "marriage house", and the incredible changes and lifting that came with that. And that was another 3 years ago. I always think I'm finished, yet there's always more. I didn't want to hear how long it takes, when I got started. But I'm thankful for each and every step that gave me a feeling of arrival, even if there were more ahead.

Barisax