The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday morning, at 7:00, my 29 yr old A son, called because his shoulder had popped out of it's socket. This is an old sports injury that happens once in awhile and usually he can push it back in. Of course it required PT when it first happened 3 years ago, but he never followed through and now all the muscles and tendons are shot and it just pops out. He couldn't get it back in and he was in great pain and alone. Finally he called 911 and he asked me to meet him in the ER which I did. He smelled of alchohol, but was not drunk. They gave him morphine, xrays and they planned to put him out and push it back in, when suddenly it popped back by itself which is a bad sign because it shows how messed up the area is. So he was put in an arm restraint, given a perscription for 20 percasets, the name of a surgeon, and we left-5 hours spent there. I drove him to the drug store, paid for the pain killer, since his wallet is at work, drove him to the friend's house where he is camping out and said goodbye.
I am not guilty, don't feel terrible for him, even though he endured great pain, because this is a direct consequence of his drinking. I said nothing. I don't think he has put this together. He was truly upset about missing work because he has been warned and he doesn't want to lose this very good job. He called in the afternoon to say the pain had subsided and to thank me. Thank you is a new word in his vocabulary.
In the past I would have immediately been on the phone, pushing him to make an appointment with the surgeon, calling every 5 minutes to see if he was ok, and all the other garbage Enabling Queens do.
This was a first for me and I'm not even suffering, wondering, scared etc. I know I can't fix it, no matter how much I want him to have a good life and how much I love him.
Currently the A I live with is in tons of financial stuff that is awful terribly sticky. I have vowed not to get involved. I have enough to deal with. Thank you for sharing it was inspirational for me at this time. I need examples of those who are doing this.
I am so staying out of my son's financial problems and auto and wife. I used to write checks to keep him out of trouble and provide cars so he could get to work so I wouldn't have to wrrite checks-ha, and listen to his seperated from wife cry. It's just been a few weeks but what a relief to know I am not going to do it anymore. They were his A actions and his consequences. Maybe he needs a 2nd job to pay off his debts and too bad if he won't be able to hang out with his friends. I worked 2 jobs so we could buy the house he grew up in.
Thanks for the inspiration. You sound like you are doing just great taking care of yourself, and detaching. I need examples to help me like this.... it is so hard when you are a parent....
I admire your stepping out of financial stuff, too. I am doing the same, and God works wonders, I seem to have everything I need without AH's help.
