The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well this is what I wrote almost a week and half ago. The day after the contractor delivered the dirt for the slab, our area received 10-12 inches of rain. Lots of flooding. We have not heard from our contractor since then. Tomorrow is November 1st. Three weeks until Thanksgiving – Three weeks is a very short time for so much work to be done.
In reality, it won’t be done. It is not possible for me to be living in my new home for Thanksgiving. It breaks my heart to admit it. My AH thinks I am being negative by saying that. I just think I am dealing with facts.
If I have learned anything, I have learned life is not a Hollywood movie, nothing is a Happily Ever After. We can make plans, but not predict the outcome. I really thought I was going to make it out of that old, nasty house by Thanksgiving. I really thought I was.
Prior to recovery, I hated going home. Do you remember those feelings? Hating not knowing what you are going to face when you walk thru the door? Even worse, know what you are going to face? The antics of this horrible disease in the active stages and all the chaos that goes with it.
So, now I don’t have to go home to that chaos, but yesterday afternoon as I stood in my front yard; I thought I really don’t want to walk thru my front door. I don’t want to walk into that house – not knowing what will go wrong today, which part of the floor will buckle today, which ceiling tile will fall today and whatever else. Know the smell that candles and air fresheners, charcoal, Bounce sheets, can’t hide – that feeling of not being able to keep anything clean. Just how much bleach can you use? I think I could do a commercial for the makers of Clorox Bleach!! (lol)
No, I really didn’t want to walk thru that door. But I did. Did I have a choice? Yes, I still do have choices. I could go stay at a hotel, but financially that would be a very bad decision for me. I would rather than money go to the new things for my home. I might have to go stay with friends or family, but I am trying to avoid that as long as possible. My independence is very important for what little sanity I have left.
Like so many times – there are no answers to this post – only a need to vent the emotions. A meeting with my sponsor was rescheduled because she also is trying to finish repairs to her home.
So my friends, thanks for letting me vent – thanks for letting me be sad that today I realize I won’t have my new home for Thanksgiving, but I am still thankful. Sad, but thankful.
Love & Hugs to all,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I'm sorry you're so sad. There is nothing wrong with be pragmatic, because you can still be hopeful at the same time. You seem to be doing rather well under the circumstances.
I remember dreading going home when AH was active. My home is my retreat, my sanity. It may be tiny, but it's still my home. I will hope and pray that you will be in your house by Christmas. Home is where your heart is, and you're already there.
Whenever you are ready for that housewarming party we'll be there for ya! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
what a long hard journey it is out. I admire your resolve, your choices and your processing. I need those. I have some very very very dark days and other days that are bearable. That is a long way from a year ago when I did not have al anon. I had no idea how to get out then. Well I d id it generally involved me taking all the hits and leaving everything.
I no longer need to torture myself. I know this house thing will be over at some point for you. Nothing goes on for ever. The holidays are a hard time for many of us. I joined last year just as the holidays hit. Talk about not taking care of myself waiting till the last minute to do that!
Next year will be better for you. Who says every day has to be great? Some years are tough, 2005 was terrible for me. 2006 better but still awfully tough. I have my hopes for 2007.
