Your honesty and courage to share are inspiring.  We find that when we take the focus off the A and place it on us, that we learn alot about ourselves and why some of the things are happening.  That is one of the greatest pieces of this program - to learn we are powerless and recognize our own shortcomings.  Without it, we spend all of our time saving and rescuing others and getting sicker and sicker.  You are doing great - keep working the program and the steps and recognize your resentments as doing too much for others and not enough for yourself (saying Yes when we mean No)!

Good luck and keep posting

 I think it's a delicate walk. One of the things I'm learning is actually with customers. Somewhere along the line, customers got it in their head that "the customer is always right" also means the customer also has the right to 1) say whatever comes to their head; 2) say whatever they want; 3) treat the person behind the counter however they want.

 So, I've made a decision--for me.

 No more.

 I've been abused, as I've shared, my whole life. I've been tortured in ways unfathomable. And I've come to realize that at a certain point, it's okay to say to someone, even if they are "cuttin my paycheck" that, at a certain point, people that say certain things just aren't welcome 'round my place.  Needless to say, I've been raisin some eye brows. But I've also been raisin my self respect. 

 You can stand up for yourself aganist abuse, against belittlement, against nonsense and still keep your job. How you say it, why you say it, when you say it--all a part of the game. As they say in advertising, it's all in the delivery. I have no doubt in your delivery my friend.

I am sorry.  I have had many bosses like this.  I am sorry your boss is this way.  I am not sure how anyone on the board can play that down.  It is a drag plain and simple.  It may be a fact of life, but it is a very real fact in your life.  To actively have to deal with person such as this on a day to day basis, can play on a girl's serenity...that is for sure.  We have 12 simple instructions that are capable to help us walk through anything if we choose to surrender.

Coming from the retail world and in management, I dealt with a great deal of bosses and customers such as this.  I had a choice to either command respect through my respect with others and honest hard work that I did or I could get right in there and become apart of the misery. 

I never was above helping out in any aspect.  I didn't feel I was better than any one person there.  I would go beyound the call of duty.  That even includes the restrooms! 

In dealing with the public, I dealt with bosses just as I did customers.  I handled most anything any of them dished out.  There is a huge boundary there that is to never be crossed.  If someone is screaming at me or talking down to me.....the moment it goes off the topic at hand and is directed at me, I quickly shut it down. 

I had a customer one time who came in the store upset.  Somehow he found me and just unleased on me.  I told him I valued him as a customer but not at that expense and he was taking it to on me.  He was the only person who had crossed a line and didn't apoligize for it.  Which I wasn't looking for an apology.  A year and a half later, that same man came to the same place and saw me and apologized.  He told me he had broken his arm that day he was in the store and had been fired from his job.  He had been drinking at work, his foreman told him he no longer worked there and out of anger hit something breaking his arm.

When the dust cleared he said he had thought about how he acted, how I handled it for a year.  He had attacked me verbally and I lashed back and stood up for myself and never once attacked back on him on who he was.  He told me I was the first person to open his eyes to how out of hand he had gotten.  Called him on his s#% with out saying it out right(A perfect stranger?)  He found sobriety and when he hit his 9th step told me I was at the top of the list.  He told me his HP spoke through me that day to him.  My display was a direct reflection of who he wanted to be.  (gee, you really don't know me all that well do you sir?)

I didn't get any of this at the time.  I wasn't in Al-anon at the time.  I had an active A at home so, I was happy to see that one A had sobered up.

I still stand up for myself.  I command respect through my relationships with others.  I do it with dignity not only in myself but give others their dignity as well.  I am not above any one person in this world.  Little by little, I see how strong I am getting eachday.  My serenity is not up for grabs.  Not today.

Just put one foot in front of the other.  I am sure you will do what you need to do to take care of you and your family with great dignity. 

My mom once gave me advice for a boss that would not listen to me and I had to get my message across to him, "You step on his toes". 

One day at a time

Ziggy

Thank you I am SOOOOOOOO greatful for my job!!!  I have the greatest bosses who are completely understanding about EVERYTHING!!  Thank god I chose non profit work!  Thank god I found the job I have now!  Thank you for reminding me of how wonderful it is. 

My old self would be thinking of ways to set this guy up to be fired...