The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted earlier about how I struggle with my financial enabling to my daughter in rehab. Thanks for all the HONEST responses, I needed to hear it.
Daughter called from rehab about an hour ago. Wanted me to either take her to and from her facility this weekend (200 miles away) for a Sat eve home visit OR buy her a train ticket. I said NO to both. My husband and I need to be there on Sat for a family counseling appt, and we don't want to take the drive two days in a row. I said NO to paying for the train ticket because it's not "essential" spending at this point.
She yelled and hung up on me, told me not to even bother to come visit again...
At least ONE of us feels better? I feel great, because I did what felt right. The rest will work itself out.
Kabbie...I know that had to be so hard for you to do. You are doing great! I am so happy that you feel ok with your detachment. You are right...it is not that important that she get home at this time. I really can learn from you to stop doing things I really don't want to do...especially unnecessary things just to make their lives more comfortable.
You did good. She doesn't need to come home. She is in rehab and not done being in rehab. You would have a terrible weekend with her home. How do you know you could keep her in the house? And all that driving? 200 miles each way. That's 800 miles if you pick her up and return her.
So easy for me to say, when I have jumped thru hoops for so long.
Being a parent myself, I do understand how hard it was to tell your daughter "No". Isn't it amazing when they were toddlers and we saw them doing something harmful, we seemed to have no problem telling them "No, you can't do that, you might get hurt." However, when they are adults and have problems it seems hard to say no.
I know it's hard to set boundries. Our literature emphasizes that you can't set boundries and keep everyone happy. It just doesn't happen.
There's an old Irish proverb that says something to the effect that principles are like clay: they have a purpose; clay, if used correctly, makes wonderful earthenware. But it's ill effective for planting and harvesting crops. It would behoove you to consider, seriously, your principles when it comes to money and your children.
