The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My Ason had been clean and sober as far as I knew for 5 months. I got a call from his girlfriend on Saturday telling me that he is drinking at least 12 quarts of beer a night, has become abusive again and she fears he is now dealing drugs.
My heart is broken. I found myself in the throws of doubting my HP, listening to the words from my sponsor and at the time they were just WORDS. Nothing is sinking in. I have been in 12 step programs for close to 2 years now, I attend 3 f2f meetings a week and thought I had me under control. But that one phone call sent me into orbit again. It has shown me that I still have a lot of work to do on me but right now the "What if's" in my brain won't stop.
I have called members of my f2f meetings, my sponsor, prayed until I am fearful my HP isn't listening anymore, put my son on a zillion prayer chains and still all I can do is cry in fear of what my happen next.
I know I did not cause this problem for him regardless of what he thinks, I know I can't cure it and I sure as heck can't control it but the control freak inside me keeps telling me that I should do something, anything besides nothing because right now he can't help himself.
I want so badly to call the girlfriend and see if she got moved out safely but I don't know if that is my business or not. Is it showing concern or meddling in someone else's business that I need to leave alone?
Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Mobirdie, my heart breaks for you. I know what it is to fall back into that pit of despair. Will keep you, son, and girlfriend in my prayers and positive thoughts. I would probably phone her.
With caring and concern, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I don't remember if you said your son was working a program. If he is not than he needs to go lower in his disease to get better. When I think my son is doing ok that I start to think about the fact that it is just going to take him longer to decide to get into recovery. I don't believe they will seek recovery if their life seems to be pretty much ok with them.
Try to remember that whatever is going to happen is going to happen...what are you going to do? (can't remember who says that all the time)
I have to say that the less contact I have with my son the more it seems that he does better. When I do speak to him now he seems to say things that make me believe that he is at least giving thought to wanting to change. Ex: he ask me yesterday if I would like to come to his neighborhood and go to church with him on Sundays. I think maybe his HP is working with him.
Mobirdie...give your son to his HP. He certainly can do much more than we can.
As always my thoughts and prayers are with you...Gail
I am so sorry to hear that. My ASon has somehow been a civil, clean good brother at this time when I am having such a hard time with my AW.
When he has a rough period, I try my best to remember that this has happened before... It will likely happen again... and this is no better or worse that it has ever been. It just is...
Like you, it is heartbreaking to me for him to keep falling in this pit. But what keeps me going is the thought that if I don't stay out of that pit with him, who will he have to go to when he gets out. I can't do him any good in the pit with him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Most of all, more now than ever... Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I remember my heartbreak when my son relapsed. Although I knew it was a possiblility...somewhere in the back of my mind...I I guess I still thought it wouldn't happen.
I use to say I had an enquireing mind and I needed to know...Now I wonder, Did I need to know? So I would have more to worry about?
It was a sad march back to step one for me ...Picking up my alanon tools along the way. Working to put all that focus right back on me. Taking some extra time to take extra special care of me.
My son found his way back to treatment and is sober today. Thank HP! Son tells me he needed to go out to remember why he didn't want to be there...
I would have appreciated a phone call or any concern from my inlaws in the last year. If you are concerned about your son's gf there is no reason not to check in with her, it could be that she needs to hear from someone who cares.
Do what makes you feel good. And take care of yourself first.
I understand your angst over this relapse but remember we are all on our own journeys in this life. We are Spiritual beings having a human experience. The human part is what messes us up. Please try to think positively and believe that your son's path will lead him to where he needs to be.
As an above post says "attitude is everything". The energy that you put out is what surrounds you. Without positive thoughts it cannot change. When we are feeling negative/anger/dispair it invades all aspects of our lives and keeps whirling around us on a downward spiral...even invading other's. I believe the best thing we can do for others (internally) is to put out good thoughts for them (and ourselves), and trust that HP knows the process of the journey.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
